Fourth Dungeon! A Disaster of Journeying!

Dungeon Master: Players, we now must leave the town of Naplyville.

Pilchard: Already?

Plummet: Wait! I didn't commit any shopping of clothes or laundrying!

Dungeon Master: Don't worry, it's accomplished. Just mark appropriate funds as spent on the sheet of your character. All characters should expend funds, in fact for any supplies you wish on the quest to Braddlebrick Bay. Then it's journeyful time! Three sessions of carts and towns is enough. More would be a failure of epic!

Helsa: Clarify, please! Do you mean a failure that is epical in scale? Or a failure to produce adventures properly epic?

Dungeon Master: The second. Much longer in Naplyville and the game must change from Dungeoning and Dragoning to Towning and Taverning.

Pilchard: Hmm. Rations are 5 pieces of silver for 2 pounds, says the list of equippage. Also, it says to see the Rules Glossary for "malnutrition." Let's flip there. Okay, one pound of food per day, or we'll be malnutritioning into exhausted after five days. There's more complexity than that, but basically, it's important to eat.

Plummet: It sure is! This game has more realism than expected.

Grolka: An orc of the barbaric sort probably needs additional food, I think.

Helsa: A hermitly ranger should be able to fast more extensively, I opine.

Pilchard: There are saves of Constitution if you'd like to try it. My preference is to buy enough food. It's 10 pounds of rations for 25 silvers, so I'm buying that.

Plummet: Tasty bacon was only one copper piece each slice, though! I wonder if a large bag of bacon would be superior to rations.

Grolka: Seems like you should check the scores of Intelligence and Wisdom on your sheet before carrying enormous supplies of spoilable bacon in place of rations.

Plummet: Um, I think my character's scores are superior to my real scores, since I don't know that.

Rouge: Let's perspect this differently, then. When we have bacon for real breakfast, how much overage is left for additional meals?

Plummet: Bacon is so delicious! There's never any left. So?

Rouge: So my prediction is, a bag full of bacon would be eaten with speed. Then our mage complains of aching tummy and has no food for the trip's majority.

Plummet: I guess that does sound right. More realism appears! I will buy rations.

Dungeon Master: Everyone mark them on sheets, then the travels begin.

Pilchard: Done.

Plummet: Me too! And there was clothes buying. Also laundrying.

Grolka: Marked.

Helsa: Similarly.
Rouge: Ready for some road hitting!

Bingly: Hopefully, not in a cart full of turnip smell.

Dungeon Master: No. A caravan for trading has been in town and departs for eastward as you are ready to leave.

Pilchard: Must we pay to join it?

Dungeon Master: When they learn of your adventuresome profession, they let you ride without charge -- if you promise defending the caravan in case of burglarous attacks, or those of monstrosities.

Pilchard: Seems fair.

Grolka: Bring the bandits! Also, I will mangle the monstrosities.

Helsa: I express agreement as well, but with less confidence. My memory of nearly expiring from needlesome blights ... still vivid!

Dungeon Master: Very well, then travel begins. Your wagon driver is a young woman called Milvicent Ox-Reiner. She is talkative in extreme, if anyone sits with her upon the front bench.

Rouge: Is she attractive, as well as talkative?

Dungeon Master: 12 out of 18, according to my dice.

Rouge: Seems unexciting compared to the blond barfer of Naplyville. I pass.

Bingly: Is she interested in octopuses? If so, I will show her mine and converse on with a great extent.

Dungeon Master: Her response ... not very enthusiastic. Possibly some "ewww" or "put that away" remarks.

Plummet: "That's what she said!" Haha!

Grolka: Ahem.

Bingly: I can discuss merchantry with her instead, then, since that profession is my background.

Dungeon Master: Her interest is mildly greater. Now ... the die of random encounters for today! Is there one? Yes! It's a 6!

Plummet: Great, so we're already expected to work with defense of the wagons?

Dungeon Master: No, because the randomized encounter is ... a roc!

Plummet: A rock? Aren't we seeing a lot of those whether the die says 6 or not?

Helsa: I believe it a roc of the sort with no "k."

Bingly: Hmm. If "crab with a k" is fake crab, then a rock with no k is a real rock?

Dungeon Master: It is the fabulous kind of roc.

Helsa: Meaning "from a fable," before anyone can lead us farther astray into wordplay.

Dungeon Master: Correct! 50 experience points!

Helsa: Thank you.

Dungeon Master: SWOOP!!! On the driving bench, Bingly sees a moment of enormous and feathery shadow! Then: everyone aboard the wagon feels the lurching of titanic strength -- the whole wagon is torn from earth and yanked talon-wise into the sky!

Pilchard: This doesn't sound super-great.

Plummet: For me, it's very exciting! Remember, I excel at spelling with Feather Fall.

Rouge: I feel familiarity here. Did I see this in an anime of recent?

Dungeon Master: Yes! 20 experience points for recognizing my Dungeon Masterly thievingness.

Plummet: I don't think we can solve it equally to the anime, though. My Feather Falling won't assist a wagon to the ground.

Bingly: How speedily are we rising?

Dungeon Master: Very! Each round, 120 feet!

Plummet: Uh-oh. It's also true my spell won't help in a fall too excessive.

Grolka: More important: is our party too excessive for the spell? Six characters must fall featherly, or someone will splat.

Helsa: Seven, if we count our driver.
Plummet: Well ... the book says it works for five.

Rouge: We are screwed -- and in a manner I do not like my screwing to happen!

Bingly: You can cast more than one though, can't you?

Plummet: Um, maybe? I have several slots for spelling.

Pilchard: Look: duration, 1 minute. There's no mention of Concentrate. Five could jump out, you cast a spell, then repeat for the two last ones.

Plummet: I guess it's workable.

Grolka: Only with hastiness! Dungeon Master, how long have we already expended for planning?

Dungeon Master: Look -- a timer on my phone. Excellent preparation, yes? I feel my Dungeon Mastery leveling up. 

Pilchard: That says it's already a minute wasted talking?

Dungeon Master: Yes. 10 rounds, 1200 feet.

Plummet: Oh. Way more than my spell will assist with.

Grolka: During a fall, can you cast again?

Dungeon Master: Challenging! It will need a roll to avoid fall-fearing interfering with Feather Falling.

Plummet: Plus, targets must be 60 feet or closer to me.

Helsa: There appears to be hazard aplenty in such a plan, if farther than 600 feet from the ground.

Bingly: By the way, is there access from wagon bench to inside the wagon? I feel exposed to the gaze of a possibly hungry roc.

Dungeon Master: Don't worry. It has beaked one of your oxen and occasionally takes bites from the dangling carcass. Seems not to be paying attention to you. But yes, there is only a curtain or flap between wagon bench and wagon interior.

Bingly: I proceed through this flap. The driver is invited too.

Dungeon Master: The driver proceeded already, as soon as seeing the roc. That's one way you know the flap is there.

Bingly: Seems like this narration would have helped me act more quickly.

Dungeon Master: Sorry. Minus 20 Dungeon Master experience points.

Pilchard: We should plan for escaping this roc. Is it still speeding us upward?

Dungeon Master: No one is outside any more to observe.

Pilchard: I look outside through the flap.

Dungeon Master: The path of the roc appears level now. In the distance ahead you see a region very mountainous and rocky.

Helsa: To be clear, this is rocky territory with a k, not roc-y territory full of rocs?

Dungeon Master: The first. Only one roc visible at present.

Pilchard: I think we must wait for our roc to near the ground by less than 600 feet, then have five jumpers exit and get spelled, then all remainers exit with my sibling and get spelled as well.

Plummet: What if this happens only after arriving in mountains? It's not so good if we land but only atop an unclimbable peak -- especially a snowy one! Brrr!

Helsa: Hopefully let's not jump toward a peak.

Bingly: How snowy are the peaks, Pilchard? Do you see?

Dungeon Master: The scribely mage sees some nearer ones not so snowy, mostly rock. Farther there are peaks very snowy and glaciered.

Pilchard: I repeat this to the wagon crew.

Plummet: Look for soft and flat and level ones!

Grolka: That would be ground, not mountains.

Helsa: Could be a plateau, though.

Dungeon Master: Fortune! My dice say there is a plateau. You will be over it soon.

Plummet: Yay! I prepare my spellings.

Grolka: Wait. How far above this plateau do we appear?

Dungeon Master: Someone roll 2d6. It's that many hundreds of feet.

Pilchard: I'm very poor at dicing in these situations.

Plummet: I'm scared to.

Grolka: When playing a barbaric orc, I must show bravery as well. My dice say ... 7.

Rouge: Ox-plop!

Bingly: How much damage is 100 feet of falling?

Dungeon Master: 10 dice of the 6-sided sort.

Plummet: I'm poor at math, but probably we would all die, right?

Grolka: Eh ... might be as little as 10 points, depending on rolls. But yes, probably.

Bingly: Let's consider a new plan. All characters jump holding hands. After some falling, Plummet spells at five of us. After some more falling, at the remainder.

Dungeon Master: This seems safer than casting during falling at other fallers. I'll permit it without saving rolls.

Pilchard: Anyone good with Nature? Possibly we should peer at this approaching plateau to see if it's the kind where hazardous beasts dwell.

Grolka: Specifically, beasts more hazardous than a roc.

Helsa: Although both rangerish and hermitish, I have unexceptional intelligence. My skill total is only 3.

Bingly: Really? Mine is five without either rangerness or hermitness.

Pilchard: Mine is six, and already I'm at the flap, so I guess I will look. 

Dungeon Master: First, a roll of Perceiving!

Pilchard: Oh. That total is 4.

Dungeon Master: So hazy and blurry, this plateau. You can't spy its nature.

Pilchard: Someone else want to look out the flap?

Helsa: I try, but Perceive with a 5.

Rouge: Does this game have spectacles? We need some.

Bingly: How about 15?

Dungeon Master: You view the plateau with reasonable quality of vision. Roll Nature.

Bingly: Aha! 24 in all.

Dungeon Master: I'll say five percent chance of things worse than rocs on this plateau. The dice of percentages show 64, so whatever is there improves upon rocs. More rolling ... you think the worst of them might be manticores.

Plummet: Oh! We've killed those before.

Grolka: In a different game.

Helsa: And with many sessions more of experience than in this game.

Bingly: I tell the others, "Nothing to worry about!" My logic is, if we have the luck to find a plateau and the luck to survive the fall, probably our luck won't produce manticores anyway.

Dungeon Master: Then if this is your plan, you should try it soon. Already, the plateau is under you, and not for tremendously prolonged.

Pilchard: I ensure my pack and belongings are secure!

Plummet: The same!

Grolka: Yes.

Helsa: I ask the driver, "Are there goods for eating in this wagon?" If it's a yes, we should take some, since who knows how long we'll need to trek across a plateau.

Dungeon Master: She says no, only lumber and lumbering tools.

Helsa: Then I prepare my pack as well.

Rouge: The same for me.

Bingly: And me. Are we ready?

Plummet: Yep! Let's go! And I don't need to roll anything?

Dungeon Master: Correct. But you do need to determine, who is the first group and who is the second?

Pilchard: I will stay with my sibling.

Plummet: Oh! Such a loyal brother!

Pilchard: Yes ... but also, if there's calculation mistake and the first spell happens above 600 feet, I want to be with the person who can cast multiple Feather Fallings.

Plummet: Well ... at least it's an honest brother.

Grolka: If the groups land apart, it's wise to have a strong battler in each. I can go with the Plume mages, unless our hermitly ranger desires to.

Helsa: It's also wise to have a healer in each, of which I am one. Do others have wound curing spells?
Plummet: Yes! From my Magic Initiating as a sage.

Grolka: Seems like that's a good division then.

Bingly: Ranger, thieving tiefling, and merchantly mage, plus driver first, followed by Plume mages and an orc?

Dungeon Master: Good. Are you jumping now?

Plummet: Wait! First I try recalling, how long does it take to fall 100 feet?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. There's no "Science" roll, but "Survival" says. "Avoid natural hazards." Roll that one, and it's a difficulty of major, because in times of dungeoning and dragoning, how much falling from 100 feet is there?

Pilchard: Not much, I think, except for mages who fall from flying or need to use Feather Falling, right? So could Arcana be used also?

Dungeon Master: You are exceptional with this logic! 40 experience points! Penny, you may roll Arcana instead if it's your preferable.

Plummet: Definitely! My total is 20!

Dungeon Master: You know, then. However, a low-level Dungeon Master confesses ignorance.

Pilchard: Gravity accelerates by 32 feet of speed each second, so 16 feet of falling in one second, 48 feet in the second second, 80 feet in the third second. So somewhere less than three seconds.

Plummet: Yikes! So speedy! After jumping, then, I count to three seconds before spelling at group 1.

Helsa: See you on the ground!

Bingly: Smart math by Pilchard.

Pilchard: Actually rusty physics knowledge by Pilchard's player. Some googling confirmed it, though. 

Rouge: Confirmed by google! It's a win, I think.

Pilchard: Ehhh, maybe not.

Plummet: Uh-oh. What is that look?

Pilchard: Feather Fall is spelled using a Reaction. But once your Reaction has finished, it's another round before you can Reaction again. So 3 seconds of counting plus one round equals 9 seconds before the next Reactioning, and google says that's over 1300 feet of falling.

Plummet: What!

Grolka: So we're dead?

Dungeon Master: Aha! It's 100 experience points for Pilchard being so honest -- BUT negative 100 for expressing poorer knowledge of rules than a low-experience Dungeon Master! A character can Reaction at any time in the round. Reactioning at 3 seconds of the first round means there are only 3 seconds until the second round begins, and a new Reaction is earned. So, it's only 6 seconds total of falling before the second spell is available.

Pilchard: So much embarrassment for missing that.

Grolka: How long have you been Dungeoning and Dragoning again?

Bingly: Longer than all the rest of us put together!

Dungeon Master: 1000 Dungeon Master experience points for this triumph of rule-knowing! My skill advances!

Plummet: Then we're not dead? That's more important to me than rule-dueling right now.

Dungeon Master: No deaths. Group 2 lands much sooner than group 1, because of group 1 reducing to 60 feet each round after only 100 feet. It's one minute for them to fall the rest of the way, but only 2 or 3 rounds for group 2 in all.

Pilchard: I guess we will just await their arriving.

Dungeon Master: OR! It is possible some monster observes your falling approach and meets you upon landing!

Plummet: I hope our luck isn't so deficient!

Grolka: I, also.

Dungeon Master: Five percent chance. The dice of percentaging read ... Hmm!

Pilchard: Seriously?

Plummet: OMG.

Helsa: I'm unable to see the dice from here -- Perception failure for me.

Rouge: 05 exactly.

Helsa: Seems like elusively low odds of happening!

Pilchard: One chance in 100. So ... what monster assaults us?

Plummet: Not a manticore, I hope!

Dungeon Master: My rolls say ... Goat!

Pilchard: Whew, not so bad, then.

Dungeon Master: Of the Giant kind! Now, a roll of even means one goat, odd means a pack.

Helsa: Terminologically, a herd.

Dungeon Master: Helsa is correct! 20 experience points, and it is a herd of Giant Goats.

Plummet: Wait, you didn't roll odd or even, though.

Dungeon Master: No need to roll when Helsa determined it.

Helsa: I detect subtle innuendo of "Helsa should stop correcting the Dungeon Master's terms."

Dungeon Master: No, I rewarded you with experience points! Possibly though you could pass a note instead of correcting interruptively.

Helsa: Apologies of the abject kind.

Dungeon Master: Haha, no, it's all joking!

Plummet: So there's not a herd?

Dungeon Master: There is a herd, because it's more amusing than if there's not, right?

Grolka: My opinion depends on whether we die from goat trampling.

Dungeon Master: Let's see, then. Roll initiative, group 2!

Pilchard: 15.

Plummet: 4.

Grolka: 19.

Dungeon Master: Goats initiate with 10. There are 3 goats in all. It's a small herd. Their distance from you is 45 feet.

Grolka: I prepare my battleaxe to attack any goat that comes aggressively near.

Pilchard: I cast Mage Armor upon myself. Also, I stand with the barbaric orc between me and the herd.

Dungeon Master: The goats are wary. They eye you with suspicion, but do nothing else. Penny?

Plummet: Ooh, I have an idea! How close are any of them to each other?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. Here is a die of the 8-sided sort. On 1-5, none are so close. 6 or 7, two are nearby one another. 8 means all 3 are cozy in spacing. The roll is 7.

Plummet: I cast Sleep on the two close by each other, then! They must Wisdom save with difficulty of 13 or have Incapacity for one round.

Dungeon Master: Let's see how wise goats are ... the book says, better than average! They roll ... 20 and 12. So, one has Incapacity. Barbarian?

Grolka: Still, I await any attack. 

Pilchard: I prepare to spell any charging goats with Witch Bolt.

Dungeon Master: The goats notice their herd-mate's appearance of lethargic. One nudges it in concern.

Plummet: Poop. I think that means the spell is interrupted. I will prepare to Sleep them again if they seem to attack.

Grolka: New round? Same as last round for me.

Pilchard: Identical.

Dungeon Master: Goats remain suspicious. I will roll a die. On 1, they calm and wander away. On 5, they spook and run. On 6, they startle and charge to attack! The roll is ... 1.

Pilchard: Whew!

Plummet: I'm relieved.

Grolka: It's fine, but a giant goat feast might have pleased a barbaric orc's appetite.

Dungeon Master: 50 experience points each for this goat encounter! A few rounds later, the members of group 2 float groundward.

Grolka: Greetings, slow companions. We have chased dangerous goats away for you, no thanks required.

Helsa: While falling for one minute, could I discern the features of our plateau?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. You were imperceptive before in the wagon ...

Helsa: Yes, but falling hundreds of feet could perhaps clarify my motive for focusing.

Dungeon Master: Make a roll of Perception, then.

Helsa: Ah! 17 this time. What are my observances?

Rouge: Goats. Didn't you hear?

Dungeon Master: To the east, a river, flowing north to south. You think maybe downstream of you there were signs of a village, or ruins. Farther beyond that, woods, and then the edge of the plateau. To the west, dry, barren flatness until the western cliffs. North are mountains; that's established. South looks swampy where the river flows back and forth in southern fashion, becoming canyonish after that. The canyon cuts into the south cliffs.

Pilchard: How far do we think our caravan might be?

Bingly: I'm guessing, far.

Dungeon Master: Yes. Around the table, it's not been so much time. But while flying in the clutches of a roc, maybe an hour or two passed. It's thinkable that 30 or 40 or even more miles were crossed.

Plummet: At least maybe we're closer to Braddlebrick Bay?

Dungeon Master: Someone can Survival roll to determine it.

Helsa: My skill is 4, but only 11 in total after my roll.

Grolka: Worse for a barbarian.

Plummet: Yikes! Those are our most naturely companions!

Bingly: As a merchant, I traveled by many wagons, so probably I have confidence in wagon-navigating.

Pilchard: Flying wagons?

Bingly: No, but how much different could there be? I roll a 12, but it's a 10 after my poor Wisdom addition.

Dungeon Master: Anyone else desire to try?

Pilchard: Yes, but by asking our driver. "This plateau," I ask her, "have you caravanned nearby it before?"

Plummet: Ooh, you are so smart!

Dungeon Master: Milvicent Ox-Reiner says, "Maybe? I have seen something like it far to the north when driving from Naplyville to Braddlebrick Bay. Possibly a day of eastwarding before it becomes visible, then two days before it is no longer in sight. To the east of it, the road goes a bit north before turning Braddlebrick Bay-ward."

Bingly: So, if we go east and can find a way down, we might even out-trek our train of wagons.

Dungeon Master: Some possibility ... but you will need to cross the river.

Pilchard: Shouldn't be too difficult to do so at a village.

Plummet: We should head there!

Helsa: The difficulty would increase if it's ruins, not a village.

Rouge: Ruins might have a bridge. Also, they might have treasure ...

Plummet: I am sagely interested in the ruins. They could have history!

Grolka: Sounds like we're going.

Dungeon Master: Someone must wilderness navigate for the group. Choose your leadership through this terrain!

Pilchard: My nomination is Helsa. She out-Survivals the rest of us in skill.

Plummet: I agree with my sibling. But I don't want to hurt the feelings of an orc! It's no insult, Grolka.

Grolka: Orcish feelings are not so weakly or bruise-able, especially not barbaric orc feelings.

Helsa: Well, if my navigation guides us ... the total is 11.

Dungeon Master: Not too bad. It's an easy task on a flat plateau, and the river is un-missable if you head east. Four hours of travel, and you are there.

Plummet: So is it ruins, or a village?

Dungeon Master: Ruins of a village. First, you begin to see road remainders here and there through the dry grass. Stones for a flat road, only broken and tilted or mostly buried. Looks like no one has traveled this way in many years. Eventually, the road reaches a bridge. It's stone too, but some parts have a more sturdy look than others. In places it might be crumbly. Across it is a village of many stone buildings and houses, but mostly even worse in condition than the bridge. However, at the town center there is a tall tower -- very intact! Creepily, though, it is made of black stone.

Pilchard: We're here just for the bridge, right? No need to detour with a creepy black tower.

Plummet: What? I thought my brother had great curiosity and interest in things of magic!

Pilchard: Greater curiosity about the kinds the Dungeon Master is not calling "creepy."

Bingly: My thought is, what a cool-looking building! We should investigate.

Grolka: Fine by me. Two mages are in favor of checking it, so a barbaric orc won't be too frightened.

Rouge: But one of the two is our unwise one! Seems to me like a FAFO tower.

Plummet: Also, I did not say I was in favor -- only surprised my magic-fascinated sibling was not.

Bingly: We're right here! Why else are we adventuring if we are not adventuresome? My plan is still to have a look. There could be cool things in there. Also treasure!

Rouge: Treasure? This has a ring my ear likes more. I will follow our unwise mage ... at a safe distance, however.

Dungeon Master: Don't be so abrupt! Still you must cross the bridge before arriving at the town, and then pass through streets of ruined before reaching the tower.

Pilchard: Now I suspect danger of the bridge even more.

Plummet: Also the ruins of buildings.

Helsa: Possibly the Dungeon Master is trying to increase tension now to make us feel more secure when reaching the tower.

Pilchard: That's a Dungeon Masterly trick, it's true.

Dungeon Master: Remember my thousand experience points from earlier in the session! A leveled-up Dungeon Master is not so easy for your predictions.

Grolka: Is all this talking done? I approach the bridge.

Helsa: I as well.
Dungeon Master: So old it looks, worn down by time. The design appears simple, perhaps making it more likely to last than a fancier bridge.

Helsa: What damages are visible? I step to one side and another looking for infirm supports or other clues of warning.

Dungeon Master: Roll for Investigation.

Helsa: Unusually, I roll a 17. Plus 1 is 18.

Dungeon Master: Here near the river's bank, things look okay. Farther out, approaching middle-ish, some cracks and the right-hand railing is partly a collapse. Just past the middle, the whole railing and large chunks of bridge have fallen long ago. Cracks from this hole go outward across the bridge surface. Looks pretty scary if you don't stay all the way on the left there.

Helsa: I point out to my party these bridge deficiencies.

Rouge: I guess let's cross on the leftward part. Normally a fearsome barbaric orc would be good to lead the way, but on a crumbly bridge, maybe someone lighter should go first, and the heavy orc should go last?

Pilchard: A tiefling is lighter than an orc, correct?

Rouge: Probably. I thought even lighter than that, though, like a wispy elf of the woods. It's safest for everyone that way, I'm certain.

Helsa: I accept. A ranger is often best for scouting chores anyway. Also, I have a whip for a weapon. If bridge stone collapses beneath me, I might be able to whip hold of the railing before falling too far.

Rouge: How smart!

Helsa: Thank you.

Rouge: I meant, how smart of me to suggest this order.

Bingly: Wait, though!

Grolka: Why? I am growing impatient in a barbaric fashion when we could just be walking across the bridge.

Bingly: Things could be wrong under the bridge, though. Or, monstrosities in the water!

Pilchard: Sure. But what solution is there?

Bingly: Can't you see the obvious one? A wise mage chose as his familiar the octopus! Not so good at scoutery on top of a bridge as a hermitish ranger, but much better, scout-wise, in the water beneath it.

Helsa: Since I will walk on the bridge first, I approve this advance look by a watery familiar. Unleash your octopus please!

Bingly: I can do this from 30 feet distant to the river, so I do. Splash! An eight-armed familiar appears in the river and swims scoutingly around.

Dungeon Master: Roll the Perception of your octopus.

Bingly: It's 4. What poor scouting! Telepathically, I tell my octopus I know it can do better.

Dungeon Master: I roll a die for some reason. The total is 15! Something bites your octopus.

Bingly: What!

Dungeon Master: The damage is 14 hit points.

Pilchard: Seems like more damage than just a large fish.

Bingly: So much damage! My poor octopus!

Dungeon Master: Is it dead?

Bingly: Well, it is truthfully a spirit, not an octopus in reality. So "dead" may be inaccurate. But definitely chomped into pieces. It disappears, and I am mournful. I tell my companions sadly.

Plummet: It's okay, isn't it? Another one is summonable, right?

Bingly: Yes, but it requires a whole hour.

Rouge: Much more important is that 14 hit points is not just more than the hit points of a many-armed mollusk -- it is also more than the hit points of a low-hit-die-rolling tiefling! I am fearful of this kind of bite!

Plummet: It's also more than the hit points of a sagely mage. But it's not our plan to enter the water like an octopus, is it?

Rouge: Some things that are in the water can also come out of the water. Next time have your familiar perceive better before it is devoured, so that we will know what has eaten it.

Bingly: Please don't disparage my sacrificed familiar. His death was for our safety.

Dungeon Master: So, what plan do you have now for the bridge?

Pilchard: I am examining my spell list.

Grolka: Seems like only three of our party can bear the bite of this under-the-bridge octopus-eater.

Helsa: Only one such bite for me -- a second will be perishing.

Bingly: Same here.

Pilchard: I am also in the dead-from-two-bites category. 

Grolka: Three-ish for me. Barbaric orcs are tougher than mages, elves, and tieflings, it's clear.

Helsa: However ... all such calculations assume 14 hit points was near the top of the biter's damage, such as two dice of eight sides, or one die of ten plus four. What if this damage was only average or low for a river monstrosity -- such as four dice of six sides, or even ten dice of four sides?
Rouge: Our Dungeon Master is too friendly to send this sort of monstrosity against her yams, isn't she?

Bingly: It's true, I think. But there is also her still-new-to-Dungeon-Mastering quality. Are all her monster choices an even match for a party of characters only two levels in experience?

Pilchard: She did attack us with a roc ...

Grolka: Pff. It's obvious she did not mean us to fight the roc.

Helsa: I agree -- it was a contrivance for plot-advancing. I describe this as evidence of skillful, not critique.

Dungeon Master: Thank you for not being among these doubters, Helsa! Everyone, look! Here on page 115 of the Guide to Dungeon Mastery -- it's a very easy table, even for low-experience Dungeon Masters like the present one. I promise I mathed it very carefully.

Plummet: Your math is so superior to mine, Dungeon Master. I am relieved we might survive this fight.

Grolka: It will still require dice rolls of reasonable success.

Rouge: Mine last session were unreasonably many in unsuccesses.

Bingly: The need for nice dicing might be less with an approach of strategy.

Pilchard: I can Witch Bolt with 60 feet of range, if this river monster becomes visible.

Grolka: Anyone have a fishhook of very large size?

Plummet: Ooh! No, but I can Silent Image a tasty-looking creature onto the bridge near that hole in the middle. Is it 60 feet near? If the octo-chomping monster chomps at my image, Pilchard can Witch Bolt at it in return!

Grolka: I can fire arrows barbarically.

Helsa: Likewise, but rangerly.
Rouge: My options are greater -- I can arrow it roguishly or Fire Bolt it tieflingly.

Bingly: Hmm. Eyeing my spell list unsatisfies me. Nothing to damage from far away! I guess it's a sling for me.

Dungeon Master: Do you enact this plan?

Plummet: Yes! When all preparations are complete, I cast at the bridge near the hole. The Silent Image is ... a large but not too large octopus, since we know it likes to bite those.

Grolka: Would an octopus be on a bridge?

Bingly: Yes! They are versatile creatures! But probably it wouldn't stay there very long.

Dungeon Master: I will roll to see if something perceives your imaginary octopus on the bridge. First round ... no, a very poor roll. Second round, though ... natural 20! A long, skinny neck holding a head with a toothful mouth lifts up from the river water!

Pilchard: Can I recognize it with Nature knowledge?

Dungeon Master: Possibly. All who want to identify the necky creature may roll Nature.

Pilchard: 22!

Plummet: 20! Plume mages are great identifiers!

Grolka: 17 for an orc.

Helsa: My rangerness is dubious. I roll a total of 10.
Rouge: No identifying for me! Only Fire Bolting!

Bingly: Woefully, I roll 8.

Dungeon Master: Pilchard, Plummet, and Grolka all determined this necky thing with a mouth of sharp teeth is a Plesiosaurus. Roll your initiatives.

Plummet: It's a what?

Rouge: I heard "please yo sore ass."

Bingly: Probably an error.

Dungeon Master: Plesiosaurus -- the book calls it a large beast dinosaur.

Pilchard: Not quite a dinosaur in reality.

Grolka: Is this reality? I think instead of arguing such specifics, we should be initiating as the Dungeon Master requested. Mine is 21.

Helsa: Mine ... 6. 
Rouge: 14.

Bingly: 9.

Pilchard: 2 for me. Possibly karma for my nit-pickery of taxonomic categories.

Plummet: 4 is my roll. Boo.

Dungeon Master: The Plesiosaurus is a 7. Grolka, you may arrow at it.

Grolka: Only a 12. 

Dungeon Master: Nearly, you hit it, but instead your arrow flies past into the water. Rouge?

Rouge: My bolt of fire is inferior to Grolka's arrow. Bingly, you may go.

Bingly: Bingly the Slingly fires at the creature. Rock to the neck! No, it's only an 11.

Dungeon Master: It is the turn of the Plesiosaurus! To the bridge, it swims, and chomps viciously toward the imaged octopus! 20 is the roll! The teeth snap on empty octopus-appearing air. It becomes confused and angry! Helsa, the turn is yours.

Helsa: My bow twangs with a 21 total. The damage is 5 if that hits.

Dungeon Master: It does. Next is Plummet.

Plummet: I attempt a Starry Wisp cantrip at it. 22! But the damage is only 2.

Rouge: Lots of 2's there.

Dungeon Master: The Plesiosaurus is wisped but still appears very healthy. Pilchard, do you still use your Witch Bolt?

Pilchard: I do, but I miss terribly. However, even missing I can damage it with my witchery each turn I concentrate after this one.

Grolka: If it decides not to flee or submerge itself. I believe it is my turn, and I move closer to the river bank, possibly tempting it since the octopus image will no longer do so. My arrow attack is 20 ... for damage of 3.

Helsa: So far our damage is less than one bite from the Plesiosaurus.
Rouge: Sad face emoticon. Now, Fire Bolt! This time, a 14. Does that hit?

Dungeon Master: Yes. It is bolted. How much damage?

Rouge: Maximum! 10 points.

Bingly: Sling attack! This time, a hit! Sling damage, though, is sad. Only a 4-sided die. But I do get a 4!

Dungeon Master: 24 points to the Plesiosaurus so far. It is angered! Seeing Grolka, it swims and stretches its long neck for biting! The total is only 10, though, much less than an orc's armor class, I remember from previous battling. Helsa?

Helsa: More archery! Again, a hit. 6 points this time. Plummet is next, I think.

Plummet: Again with Wisping of the Starry sort! 14 hits, yes? Damage a little better this time, 4. Your turn, sibling!

Pilchard: No to-hit roll this time, just a 12-sided die of damage from my concentrated Witch Bolt! Bleh. 3, even less than my sister's 8-sided damage.

Grolka: My next arrow misses.

Rouge: My Fire Bolt does not -- 3 points.

Bingly: For my turn, a slung stone from a sling goes "ploop!" into the water.

Dungeon Master: Another chomp at the orc -- this time a hit! 11 points of damage.

Grolka: I bear the pain with a grunt of orcishness.

Helsa: Almost a natural 20 on my die, but it tips over to 8 instead.
Rouge: Sad face emoticon. But does that hit with your bonus?

Helsa: No, my ability scores are hermitly humble.

Dungeon Master: On to the Plume mages.

Plummet: A Wispy hit! This time, 8 points of damage!

Pilchard: 10 points of witchy lightning on my turn. We're improving, sister.

Grolka: I arrow the not-quite-a-dinosaur with a roll of 15 and maximum damage of 8.

Rouge: My Fire Bolt misses with a roll of 8.

Bingly: Again, "ploop!"

Dungeon Master: So much damage in one round. The suffering Plesiosaurus decides to flee! Sploosh! It dives, and Swish! It swims quickly far away into deep, dark river water. 75 experience points each for its defeat! Probably this victory is a good point of stoppage for our session. 100 experience points in bonus for tonight's adventure! Also, plus 100 more for surviving a fall from roc height!

Plummet: So generous! Soon I'll be third level!

Pilchard: Maybe. Or the creepy black tower may kill us before then.

Dungeon Master: We'll discover that next time!