First Dungeon! Cart of the Very Old Farmer!

Our adventures with new Dungeons and Dragons started this way ... !

Dungeon Master: You are all traveling from a town to another town. The vehicle is a farm cart. Or wagon. A wagon is bigger for carrying so many adventurers, I think, sorry to call it a cart. He is an old, old farmer. Mostly of turnips. He sold so many in the town you are traveling from! He is happy, even though very old. The horses are old too, so the cart is slow. Wagon! Sorry again. Everything smells of turnips that have been sold. Hmm. I roll a die of six sides. The roll is 6! That means Bingly must tell where he is going from and why.
Bingly: Oh, you mean I will name the town? What a different way to begin!
Dungeon Master: Yes, I tried to prepare. So much advice to read in the Guide to Dungeon Mastery, though. It was all, read, read, read, read, oh no, so late! Akane must sleep. Same the next day until suddenly, out of time for preparations. But then I realized, a Dungeon Master has the potent of omni! So you must labor for me to make up for my unpreparedness.
Bingly: It's a high challenge, but I will climb it. The town is ... Spinrut! Yes, we have left Spinrut and are on the road. My wizard master told me, "You are done with Apprenticery, Bingly! Go elsewhere, and take your octopus with you!" This oldster farmer was the first with a vehicle going to the next town.
Dungeon Master: Good! Spinrut ... it's a strange town name, but good.
Plummet: Maybe everyone is leaving because they were in a rut there! Just spinning and spinning in a rut.
Dungeon Master: It's possible, but I haven't rolled the die yet, so you may not get to choose. Next roll is ... 2.
Plummet: Are you counting this way around the table?
Dungeon Master: Yes.
Plummet: Then that's me!
Dungeon Master: Correct. So you are leaving the town from being in a rut. What town are you going to?
Plummet: Naplyville! It's famous for inns with cozy beds. I'm appealed by that because sage-ing and apprenticing are both hard work. Extreme in tiresomeness!
Rouge: I am unsurprised.
Plummet: Hush!
Dungeon Master: Don't hush her -- I might roll a 5, and then she is next. But no, the roll is 4. Helsa the Homely, what else is in Naplyville to lure a rangerous adventurer out of hermitage?
Helsa: Plainly, there are turnips, unlike in Spinrut.
Pilchard: !!! I just realized -- Spinrut is "turnips" backwards!
Dungeon Master: 50 experience points! You have solved the first mystery of the campaign! The secretish name of Spinrut -- it is the opposite of "turnips" because they have none, so the excellent sales of oldster farmer are explained.
Plummet: Wow, did you plan that? Wait, it's impossible. The town name came from Bingly.
Dungeon Master: Accurate, yes. But writing it down in my notes, I noticed the backwards of it. Remember, I come from Japan, where words go the other way. Also, we know the player of Bingly enjoys making puns and games of wordage. So I observed what she did.
Pilchard: Do I really get 50 points of experience?
Dungeon Master: It's true. The Guide of Mastery said a DM can give any experience she wishes. So boring to only get experience for killing and slaying and always with battles, I think. So instead, I will be whimming many experience rewards.
Rogue: Wait, we do get to kill things, though, don't we?
Dungeon Master: Sometimes. Remember, it's whimmage.
Helsa: There's no critique here, but I love the word "whimsy." Not so original as "whimming" and "whimmage," but I encourage its use.
Dungeon Master: 50 experience points!
Grolka: Really? Only for correcting the wording of the DM?
Dungeon Master: No. Apologies for this confuse. They are DM experience points. Eventually the Dungeon Master will level up in English.
Helsa: I thought that seemed too much goodness to also be truth. To continue my answer --
Pilchard: Oh, sorry, I did interrupt before.
Grolka: And also just now.
Pilchard: Sorry! Plus extra sorrow!
Helsa: I dispense forgiveness upon you. Turnips are no attraction for a ranger of my sort, and to hermits, soft beds must be considerably excessive. My motives for journeying there are rumors of adventurous hiring opportunities. There is an old woman of extreme craftiness in this town, who requires ingredients of many sorts for her craftings. Far and wide, someone must search for her components.
Bingly: Ooh, I like it!
Dungeon Master: I, as well. 50 experience points!
Helsa: Is it more Dungeon Master experience points? Or this time actually for me?
Dungeon Master: That one.
Helsa: Thank you.
Dungeon Master: Now, input from Pilchard or Grolka. A one, two, or three equals Pilchard. The roll ... 4.
Pilchard: Boo.
Plummet: Don't boo, that's mean! I'm sure Grolka will have a great answer!
Grolka: Thank you.
Dungeon Master: Grolka too knows of the craftly old woman. There is rumor she demands many adventurers seek a special ingredient of her desiring. What is it?
Grolka: The ground-up bones of an ancient king. Mysteriously, his burial was in a far kingdom. No one knows exactly his whereabouts.
Dungeon Master: This information -- exceptional! 50 experience points! Now only Pilchard hasn't delivered information.
Pilchard: What should I deliver?
Dungeon Master: A page number for the monster that is attacking the wagon right now! With no looks in the book!
Plummet: Eek!
Pilchard: Isn't this an extremity of chance? What if I pick a page of outragously dangerous monster?
Dungeon Master: We will find out, if it happens. Choose!
Pilchard: Ugh. Page 86. No, page 42.
Dungeon Master: Hmm. It's a monster that is only far underground. Unlikely, except if the oldster drives his wagon into a giant, deep hole. Also, very likely to kill everyone due to powerful stats. Let's look at the earlier page. Even worse! Ancient Black Dragon! Ah, but the following page is a more humble monstrosity.
Pilchard: Whew.
Dungeon Master: I'm finding the encounters page in my Guide. How many of this humble monstrosity are needed? The table indicates ... hmn ... six of this kind, and three of this kind. Seems like a lot, but the table says it. Roll initiative!
Pilchard: Uff. 1.
Plummet: I get my Dexterity bonus, right? Oh, but it's a total of 6 anyway.
Grolka: 18. Looks like an orc is needed to protect you slugly ones.
Helsa: Also, a wood elf ranger, because I roll 19.
Rouge: Oh yeah? Then observe this tiefling rogue get ... 16. Dang, I wanted to be first!
Bingly: 18 for the wizard of halfling also.
Pilchard: We're so slow, Plummet.
Plummet: It's a family trait, seemingly.
Dungeon Master: From thick woods at each side of the road, blights appear! The whinny of horses has alerted you. Six are twiggish, and three are needly. They look like this!
Pilchard: The little ones are less scary, but the big ones have a look of pointy and dangerous.
Dungeon Master: First at initiative is Helsa. What do you do?
Helsa: How far away are they?
Dungeon Master: The distance is 60 feet to the ones on the right. Those are three of the twig sort and two with needles. The other side has three twiggish and one needly, about 30 feet from the wagon.
Helsa: I will use a Bonus Action to cast Hunter's Mark on one of the needle blights that are farther off. Then I'll fire my bow at it, but my total is 8.
Dungeon Master: Your arrow whisks by it. Next, Bingly or Grolka.
Bingly: I'll shoot at a close twig blight with my sling. Ergh, 1.
Grolka: Poor. Looks like it's up to the orc after all. I'm going to rage barbarically, then speed to the close needler and chop it two-handedly with my battle-axe. Am I close enough to do that?
Dungeon Master: Yes, if you succeed with a roll to Athleticsly leap over the high side of the wagon.
Helsa: A total of 20, which succeeds, assumingly. My attack is only a 2, though. 6 with my bonus.
Dungeon Master: Very, very missing. Rouge?
Rouge: I'll shortbow the one Grolka is missing so badly. Twang! Wow. We are terrible today. My roll is 9 total.
Dungeon Master: Next is Penny.
Pilchard: Plummet.
Plummet: Either one is accurate, actually! Um ... how close together are the ones in each bunch? I want to cast a spell that hits everyone in a 5-foot radius.
Dungeon Master: I will roll 1-3 for each side. Hmm. On each side, it's 3.
Plummet: Yay! My spell is Sleep. I'll do the ones farther away and hope Grolka won't be killed by twigs. They have to save using Wisdom or be Incapacitated for their turn. Also, it keeps going after that. They need a 13 or better.
Dungeon Master: Their savings excel! Only one twigger fails.
Plummet: Foo.
Dungeon Master: Now, the turn of blights! Twigsters are slow. Even dashing, the right side ones remain 20 feet away. The needlers there are 30 feet. One shoots needles at Helsa, another at Rouge. 17 against Helsa, 12 against Rouge.
Helsa: I am easily hit.
Rouge: Not me!
Dungeon Master: Damage is 5 points, Helsa. On the other side, the three clumped together must fight Grolka. Does 12 hit?
Grolka: No. Not especially close.
Dungeon Master: It's misses for all, then. The last twig dashes to reach the wagon. Pilchard may go!
Pilchard: I cast Witch Bolt on one of the right-side needlers. 22 total, so if it misses, there's big trouble.
Dungeon Master: It hits.
Pilchard: Then he is zapped for 8 points of damage, and I can keep zapping every turn without rolling to hit.
Dungeon Master: So mighty, this spell! Now, Helsa's turn once more.
Helsa: I'll shoot again with my bow. A different die, please? Thank you. And ... definitely another miss.
Bingly: Bingly fires his slingly at this close-up twig thing. Ooh, 15!
Dungeon Master: You hit the twig thing.
Bingly: Thing, meet sling! Max damage, too! But that's only 4.
Grolka: I attack the needle one again with my axe. Much better -- 22. I use my Savage Attacker feat for Advantage on my damage ... but it doesn't matter, because I roll 10 on both dice. That's 14 points of damage.
Dungeon Master: Significant! But still, it's fighting.
Rouge: I'm going to switch to shooting my bow at that one Grolka just hit. Whiff.
Dungeon Master: Penny can go.
Plummet: First, that sleepy one must save again or take an entire nap!
Dungeon Master: It falls to earth.
Plummet: Great! Then I'm using True Strike to smack the one Bingly just missed. Does 10 hit?
Dungeon Master: No. The creatures now can go. A needler shoots again at Helsa and another again at Rouge. Miss to both. Three twigs are now in the wagon! One strikes each wizard. Bingly, 10, Plummet, 23, Pilchard, 5.
Pilchard: Whew! Attack dodged!
Plummet: Well, it's an obvious hit on me.
Bingly: Also me.
Dungeon Master: Such poor Armor Classings! Damage is 4 to Plummet, 3 to Bingly.
Plummet: Owie!
Bingly: Same!
Dungeon Master: Both twigs hit Grolka, but the needler misses. Damage of 4 points plus 5 points.
Grolka: My rage gives Resistance to physical attacks, so the total has a reduction to 4.
Plummet: I want that!
Dungeon Master: Pilchard has now a turn.
Pilchard: 10 more points to the one I'm Witch Bolting.
Dungeon Master: It dies from such extreme bolting.
Pilchard: Next, I use Mind Sliver against the damaged twig in the wagon with us. It must Intelligently save or take 1d6. The roll needed is 14.
Dungeon Master: Unsuccessful.
Pilchard: 3 points of damage.
Dungeon Master: Now it is unsuccessful and dead. Helsa?
Helsa: Most likely, I'm going to miss with my bow again. No, an 18! With Hunter's Mark, the damage is 9.
Dungeon Master: Still, it lives. The turn is Grolka's.
Grolka: Here comes the axe again. Natural 20.
Dungeon Master: Already, it's so injured that survival is impossible. Bingly?
Bingly: Another staff attack ... 15! Damage is only 2, though.
Dungeon Master: Rouge?
Rouge: Back to shooting at the right-side needler. Also, back to missing.
Dungeon Master: Then Plummet may go.
Plummet: We're doing that True Strike thing again. If I can reach the one Bingly hit, that is my target for smacking. Lots better that time! 17! My damage is 7.
Dungeon Master: Death. The needler shoots at Helsa ... unfortunately, it is a 20 of the natural sort. 
Helsa: That's okay. At least if I never hit anything, my usefulness as a target is proven.
Dungeon Master: Damage of 14.
Helsa: My body collapses within the wagon.
Dungeon Master: Next turn begin the Saves against death! Pilchard?
Pilchard: Again, mind sliver. The Intelligence Save is 14.
Dungeon Master: Again, failure.
Pilchard: This time, damage is even worse. 1.
Helsa: My turn? I attempt to stave off death. My first is a failure. I belive the turn is Grolka's now?
Grolka: I crush my foes with my mighty axe. No, I fan them with my axe instead.
Bingly: One left in the wagon, right? I staff it. Hit! 6 points!
Dungeon Master: Zero left in the wagon now. Rouge's turn is available.
Rouge: Arrowing that last needler ... Yes! 22 to hit ... 9 damage!
Dungeon Master: Fatal. Plummet may go.
Plummet: I have a Cure Wounds spell! I'll use it on Helsa. 9 points of healing. Yay!
Helsa: I feel improved.
Dungeon Master: Twigs flee to escape. Even a twig may be cowardly when so many allies have died. 
Grolka: I get to chop at one for fleeing, correct? Again, a miss though.
Dungeon Master: Combat is over, unless someone chases twigs into the forest. 100 experience points to each!
Pilchard: I choose to avoid pursuit into shady woods.
Plummet: Seems like a poor choice to me also.
Grolka: It's hard to stay enraged after missing so many times. I return to the wagon.
Dungeon Master: The farmer proceeds, then. All may gain benefits from a Short Rest! Is this too short for a session, or should we stop?
Pilchard: I'm okay to stop. It was short, but fun. 
Plummet: Like you, Akane!
Grolka: It's a description fitting several individuals here.
Helsa: High praise to our Dungeon Master. My enjoyment more than sufficed.
Rouge: Yes!
Bingly: A good start for a campaign. I'm excited to meet the crafty woman next time. If we live all the way to Naplyville, of course.
Dungeon Master: It's a short trip, so there's likelihood. Also, 50 more experience points for all!

(There was general cheering for that, Readers. What will happen next time? We must await it and discover!)

Dungeoning and Dragoning!

Readers!

Now is a tale of adventurers against peril! Monstrosities everywhere! Drunkardness in a village tavern!

It's a record of my first Dungeon Mastery ... probably this means inferiority to girlfriend Claire's many roleplaying posts on her blog, but Akane is bold! I must try this responsibility even with the chance of failing!

The first challenge for Dungeon Master Akane = revealing the story of character generating. It went so:

"Look!" says a boyfriend to several girlfriends. "A Monster Manual. It's new!"

"Ooh!" says girlfriend Ariel.

"Badass!" says girlfriend Sasha.

"Let me guess," says girlfriend Elle. "Now the new D&D books are all owned, so you want us to play. I am suspicious there will be mountains of monsters from that book to slay us."

Girlfriend Claire points out, "His face did have an expression so devious when I saw him read it earlier."

"No, no, no," insists the boyfriend. "So many years have passed since I playered a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Always it's DMing for me. I'd like a change."

"I Dungeon Mastered that Fivee game we played," says girlfriend Elle. Her blue eyes ... so narrow and pointed at the boyfriend! "I guess it was forgettable?"

"Elle, dear," says girlfriend Hettie, "of course this question is a suggest of falseness. You Dungeon Mastered with extreme success, but the game ended so momentarily. Only one session! Of course that doesn't satisfy the hunger for playering of our always-DMing boyfriend."

"Hmm."

(Notice the sound, Readers! It's so short, just three letters. Not even a vowel! How does girlfriend Elle say it so that it can mean so many different things? Sorry to interrupt. It's just braggery of her talent at "Hmm"ing.)

Wait ... where is the playing and Dungeon Mastery? Where is even the character generating? Akane! Your narration of Dungeoning and Dragoning is off to so slow a start. I'm the most apologetic, I promise. From here I will be speedier.

Our rolling method was full of danger! Usually, it's rolling six times and deciding, "This one's good, so I'm Strong! This one ... oof. A roll of poorness, so it goes in Charisma. Charisma = the garbage stat, so a bad one is fine. Two average ones ... Intelligence and Wisdom, because I intend a battler, not a thinker. That leaves a pretty-good and an even better for my Dextrous and Constitutional abilities."

(Why is Charisma a garbage stat? A boyfriend can't explain. It's just reflex from a D&D of historical age, he says.)

But instead of planning on a battler and picking abilities of might, or planning on a wizard and making Intelligence the most ideal roll, our choice was to roll the six stats in order and then pick what character sort might have this hodgepodge of scorings. 

Boyfriend was first. "7, 9, 14, 16, 11, 14. Weak and clumsy! Apparently it's a mage for me. What background would be fun for a mage? Aha, scribe! Now I can improve my Intelligence and Dexterity. Exceptional in smartness and no longer penalized with klutzing. Scribe, huh? He's a scribe who had aspiration to do wizardry, but also obsessed about writing. Cantrips include Light to always be able to see for writing and Message, even though that's speaking, not writing. First level spells ... obvious to have Detect Magic since it's his obsessive interest, Comprehend Languages to enable copying of books from any language, and Illusory Script because it's magical writing. Oh, and a couple of spells for fighting. Human, so I can get extra skills and a feat for extra skills as well. Name: Pilchard Plume."

Dice pass to girlfriend Ariel. "Oh no, 8! I'm an embarrassment of scrawny too! 13 a little better, though for Dexteriting. 11 is boring Con, 16 okay Intelligence, 13 decent Wisdom, Charisma is 10 so I guess that's fine if it's a garbage stat? No point in anything but a wizard, I guess. Wait! Don't think I'm copying you, boyfriend! I'll be a sage instead of scribing. Increases to Con and Int and Wis so they're 1 better each! Sage gets "Magic Initiate" of Wizardy ... I'll be so magical. Oh! And humans can pick any original feat, so human for me! (Still not copying you, boyfriend, don't think it!) What feat? "Magic Initiate" again! this time Bard. Not even starting with my actual wizard spells yet, and already I have 4 cantrips and 2 first levels! What's a cantrip again? Never mind, I'll just pick these ... and these ... and then for Wizard class these 3 more, plus 6 more first levels ... so many spells! Look at me! One of hers is "Feather Fall" from her Initiating, so she's good at falling. Surprise, boyfriend, now I'm copying you! Her name is Penny Plume! She's your sister because such weaklingness must be from being related. She has a nickname about falling, though -- Plummet Plume."

Girlfriend Elle becomes an orc of barbaric warrioring: Grolka Thickskull. Girlfriend Hettie, a wood elf ranger who decided to leave hermitage for rangering. She's Helsa the Homely because of an 8 in the garbage stat! Girlfriend Sasha decides to thieve for her class. She's a tiefling because it's so close to "thieving." Rouge Hornytail the Black! "She's Chaotic Chaotic in alignment," Sasha insists.

This leaves girlfriend Claire and girlfriend Akane. Our plan was ... everyone roll a character, then decide who is Dungeon Master. But Akane volunteers with bravery, so only Claire is left to roll.

"10, 11, 15, 15, 6 (!), 9. Holy smokery, that Wisdom is bad. Also poor in Charisma. There's no class that's mostly about Constitutionry, so you know what that means ... another Wizard!"

"We have so many ..." says girlfriend Ariel.

"This one is different!" says Claire. "Look, he's a merchant instead of a bookly sage or scribe. Instead of spells that are writerly like Pilchard or so many spells of usefulness like Penny, he picks spells he thinks sound cool. Charm Person! Disguise Self! Expeditious Retreat! Find Familiar! Tasha's Hideous Laughter and Tenser's Disk!"

Boyfriend asks, "What's he planning to use those for?"

"Look at his Wisdom! He's no planner, this guy. They're just cool. Except Find Familiar. He'll use that to pick even the coolest familiar. Which ones are allowed? Bat, Cat, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Octopus -- wait right there! Octopus!"

"An octopus? On land?" asks girlfriend Hettie.

"He'll keep it in a jug of water when he summons it. Look: jug ... only 2 copper pieces! What a bargain!"

"How can it do familiar things inside a jug?" asks Elle.

"Who knows?" says Claire. "But it's an octopus, so it's cool! This wizard's a halfling too. Name of Bingly Bumbledeal."

Everyone becomes jealous of girlfriend Claire's insane octopus-having wizard.

"Actually really creative," says boyfriend.

"I bet the octopus is so cute," says Ariel.

"Yes. In fact, so cute it's required for Rouge to consider stealing it," says Sasha.

Next time, Readers, the adventuresome begins!

So Many Changes in This Blog!

Readers, I know it's only a short time since the blog has changed. Please don't think, "This Akane ... she's always going to be changing it!" (It might be true, though. But I hope not. Hope with me!)

Only four posts have happened since I differented the blog from "Akane's Emails of Romance" to "Akane's Existence of Romance." I think they're good! 

"Then why change, Akane?" is probably being asked. So reasonable. I can't argue against it.

But ... all of Akane's girlfriends blog, about many different things. It's so full of enjoyment to read their varying topics! For some reason, I think this should be my goal too. Otherwise won't some say, "Tch-tch-tch. Another blogging about romance from Akane? Always the same, this blog. It's beginning to feel yawnable."

Plus, there's additional motive: what if always blogging about endless romance results in a grief of envy from those who have no romance of their own? It's kind of braggish for me to always write, "So romantic, my life!" isn't it?

Also, I am going to be Dungeon Mastering soon. It's true! You can read on girlfriend Claire's blog. The news is here! Probably our Dungeon and Dragoning will have not so much romance in it, so how else can I blog about it except with changing the blog title? It's fibbery to put a no-romance Dungeon and Dragoning post on a blog named "Akane's Existence of Romance." A crime of mislead!

Sorry for so many changes. I promise not to change it again until the next time I have such a good reason!

A Nap in a Boyfriend or Girlfriend's Arms ...

Sometimes, a day needs you to be lazy in it, yes? Many yawns and stretching, or blinking and shaking a head -- it's an indicator for ... napping!

Blinds must be pulled (unless it's so cloudy outside) before there can be burrowing into blankets.

A necessary nap = almost the best experience!

Better, though?

Napping in teams! A shoulder for a pillow! Hands touching with a caress of sleepy!

But remember an important rule that is the guardian of perfectness in this together napping ... no setting of alarms!

Alarms are the nap-destroyer. Intolerable!