Sixth Dungeon! Treasures and Tower!

Dungeon Master: We return! The bread golem is sliced and crumbled, and characters have experienced their way to level three! Are all players prepared to adventure third levelly?
Pilchard: Yes. I can now illusion improved. It is my specialty of wizarding.
Penny: My specialty is to divine!
Bingly: Good, especially since our party is clerically lacking. In fact, I don't think "too divine" is possible for us.
Penny: No, I mean spells of divination are my favorites. I think it's sensible for a sage to want these spells, right? For acquiring more knowledge. 
Rouge: Um ... sure, sounds sensible. Doesn't seem too useful in combattery.
Penny: It is! I will demonstrate, I promise.
Grolka: My barbaric raging now allows a frenzy of berserk.
Helsa: What did it allow before? 
Rouge: Have you done this raging?
Grolka: Yes when killing twigs and needlers in our first adventure.
Helsa: So long ago!
Grolka: True. Since then the encounters have only been goats who did not attack and a plesiosaurus I needed to arrow. Raging provides few benefits in archery.
Helsa: I see. My advancement of third level is Hunting. My attacking is improved ... if my die rolling causes a hit.
Rouge: Not so dependable an improvement for you.
Helsa: No. It may be that hermitry gave me less practice for accuracy than another background could.
Rouge: Well, I maintain secrecy about my leveled abilities!
Bingly: Now you're a thief.
Rouge: Hey! No spying on my character sheet!
Pilchard: She didn't need to.
Penny: Your thiefiness is obvious.
Grolka: Even before this level, so thiefy.
Helsa: Everyone expected this.
Rouge: Maybe I chose something else then, due to my Chaotic Chaoticness!
Bingly: Maybe ...
Pilchard: Maybe?
Penny: Maybe!
Grolka: Eh.
Helsa: Seems unlikely.
Bingly: Anyway ... my specialty is also illusioning!
Pilchard: Imitator.
Bingly: No, my character just thought, "Illusions ... so cool!"
Dungeon Master: Now that the dungeon master has awareness of these improvements, we can proceed. Team Reading! You discover two things in the sadly starved skeleton's pages! First, before starving into skeletonhood, this person expressed many doubtings and regrets. Importantly, they wrote, "I wonder now ... should I have listened when Arngo cried out? 'So fearful! Don't look at it!' Maybe if I looked, I would be with them in the tower now." Second is, "Hunger is weakening me. If no one returns with our provisions, I will expire. In case I do, I have marked Rovatam's perishing place near the river, so his sister may have something of him if she returns. Not too near the river though! Too anxious I might be eaten."
Pilchard: Seems like this skeleton should have done some searching around the town of ruins. He might have found bread in a bakery.
Penny: No, only a bread golem! Then he would be golemed to death and no longer able to write these clues for us.
Pilchard: Possibly. Or maybe the bread golem was not finished baking, years ago when the skeleton starved. It might have been eatable then. But your character doesn't know about a bread golem yet, so be careful or it's an angry dungeon master for us to deal with.
Penny: What! Your character doesn't know about a bakery, so the dungeon-master angering will be your fault first! You started conversing this direction, not me.
Pilchard: My character certainly knows towns sometimes have bakeries, doesn't yours? I thought your background was in saging. It's only the golem part that is unreasonable for our characters to speculate.
Penny: Oh.
Rouge: Dungeon master!
Dungeon Master: Yes? 
Rouge: On the subject of what our characters don't know, please notice I am not saying something! In case you are later thinking for reasons to award points of bonus experience.
Bingly: This seems like a claim anyone could make over and over in hopes of an experience bonus.
Dungeon Master: Also, bonuses are for actions above appropriate, not just avoiding inappropriate sorts.
Rouge: I feel I have restrained my tongue for no reason, then. 
Penny: Heehee -- that's what she said!
Grolka: Ha. How has that joke made your mind so impure?
Penny: It's funny!
Dungeon Master: Do the Team Reading characters act on these new skeleton disclosures?
Pilchard: Only by making a mental note.
Penny: I don't see how to?
Grolka: My character remains guarding outside, so I don't know about them.
Dungeon Master: Then we return to Team Exploration. The bread golem lies as a heap of slices and crust. What actions do you take?
Rouge: I look in the open oven while our wizard medicals the ranger.
Dungeon Master: Empty.
Bingly: When the ranger revives, I go and look in other compartments of the oven, like the firebox and bin for ashes.
Dungeon Master: You find something!
Rouge: What! I didn't even know there were these other compartments!
Bingly: I Googled between sessions to learn how such devices work.
Dungeon Master: Resourceful! Twenty experience points!
Rouge: More unfairness!
Bingly: What do I find? 
Dungeon Master: In the bin, dusty ashes.
Rouge: Haha. Okay, I'll accept the mage finding this.
Bingly: I stir through the ashes with a dagger, or some stove tool if one is nearby
Dungeon Master: You find a dark stone marble.
Helsa: Hmm. Seems curious.
Bingly: How dark is it? Is it Vantablack?
Penny: Ooh! If it is, I want it!
Dungeon Master: Sadly, no. But 50 experience points for reminding the dungeon master of her very first enjoyable long-ago game of role playing!
Penny: Oh, that's right! We played that game so soon after your arrival!
Rouge: Can we return to our search for treasure?
Bingly: My spells don't include magical detection, so I put the marble in my pocket for now.
Helsa: Last time, descriptions included open cases. But are there also cabinets unopened that might conceal items?
Rouge: Or trap-doors in the flooring?
Dungeon Master: All cabinets are open. Tell me more about your examination for trap-doors.
Rouge: I will crawl and brush aside dirt -- a search of extreme and thorough.
Dungeon Master: Roll for perceiving. You can have Advantage for the detail of brushing aside dirt.
Rouge: Yes! The first die, only 3. Terrible! But then the die of Advantage is 15. Adding 3, it's 18.
Dungeon Master: You find beneath the dirt are yellow tiles. Very pretty.
Rouge: What! This is the gold color from the map of last session? So misleading!
Bingly: Seems mysterious for there to be tiles this specific for no reason. I examine them closely.
Dungeon Master: Very sunny and lemon-colored. It's a ceramic material, you think.
Helsa: Are any tiles different in color? Maybe a pattern of some tiles the same, some a little different?
Dungeon Master: The tiefling brushed dirt, but did not clean it fully. Do you wish to spend hours cleaning to see?
Bingly: Maybe hours are unnecessary ... I have a cantrip of Elementalism. It can collect dirt or sand into a cube of one-foot size. Probably that's many, many tiles of dirt cover, right? So I make a one-foot cube of dirt each round, and someone carries the cube out into the street, and we repeat until we achieve a floor of zero dirt.
Dungeon Master: Clever! Thirty experience points. However, I am Googling ... ah, the Internet explains that one cubic foot of dirt has weight of 75 or 100 pounds.
Rouge: Can you pick that up, ranger?
Helsa: I cannot.
Bingly: Definitely don't look at me. I have a weakling Strength. Only 10!
Helsa: This is my Strength also. Therefore I use a bow or shortsword, because at least in Dexterity, I have 12.
Rouge: So I am strongest in this group?! No wonder bread almost killed us!
Bingly: Hmm! But there's a solution. Instead of Elementalisming cubes, it's dirt spheres. Those we can roll.
Dungeon Master: More cleverness! But I am restrained about further bonus experience pointing -- it's part of the same idea.
Pilchard: She did avoid punning about "Wonder Bread."
Dungeon Master: I don't understand.
Helsa: It's a brand name for bread. Not sure she noticed Rouge say it, though.
Rouge: When did I say it?
Bingly: I noticed.
Dungeon Master: Still, no bonus pointing for absence of poor behavior. We discussed this before. Now, if you follow this plan, it is a success. But how long to achieve this success? There is ... mm -- 5 millimeters thickness of dirt on the floor, average. Tiles are 10 centimeters each side. How many spellings of Elementalism are needed? Someone math this for me! 
Pilchard: Okay. Google says 5mm equals 0.0165 feet. Inversing that gives 61. So 61 square feet equals one cubic foot dirt. Now Google says one square foot equals 929 square centimeters. Square root of that is 30.47 centimeters per side of the square. So one square foot equals about 3 x 3 tiles, 9 tiles. 61 square feet times 9 tiles each square foot is 549 tiles under each spelling of Elementalism. How large is this building?
Dungeon Master: Based on squares used on my dungeon mastering version of map ... about 900 square feet.
Pilchard: Fewer than 15 spellings, then. And the number of tiles is about 8,000.
Grolka: Why do we need to know how many tiles?
Bingly: I think he just got carried away mathing.
Pilchard: It's in case we find they have value! Even if only one copper piece of value per tile, the amount becomes 80 gold pieces.
Grolka: How long to pry up 8,000 tiles?
Helsa: Also, how to carry 8,000 tiles.
Pilchard: These are good points.
Rouge: A better point -- did we find anything about the undirtied tiles?
Dungeon Master: Patience! First, I award Pilchard 30 experience for volunteering as Dungeon Mather.
Pilchard: Thank you.
Dungeon Master: Now, with all tiles cleaned, you discover one place beneath a counter where a tile corner is chipped loose.
Rouge: That's all?
Bingly: I examine this corner-chipped tile. Does the chipping allow me to pull it out?
Dungeon Master: Yes! Beneath, you see something?
Bingly: I look closely.
Dungeon Master: A small handle is there.
Bingly: I pull it.
Rouge: Wait! Could be traps there!
Bingly: Too late.
Dungeon Master: Upon pulling, a section comes loose from the floor -- 3 tiles on each side. It's a lid! Beneath, you see a box in a cubby.
Bingly: I remove the box.
Dungeon Master: It's metal, and heavy.
Rouge: Full of gold!
Bingly: Probably not much gold, for a bakery in this size of town. I open it.
Rouge: Wait again! Traps!
Bingly: Again, too late.
Dungeon Master: Inside, there's coinage -- many coppers, some silvers, a few gold. But also -- a small box! Made of fine wood by much careful carving and craftingship. Each side is ... mmm ... about 5 centimeters?
Penny: How much is that in something that's not centimeters?
Pilchard: Half a decimeter.
Penny: Boo! I meant something even less centimeter-ish!
Dungeon Master: Here -- I'll space my thumb and finger. About so.
Penny: That is a small box.
Rouge: Can we continue? I have anticipation for Bingly proceeding to open this small box with recklessness.
Bingly: I do exactly that.
Dungeon Master: Inside -- felt! It makes a hollow where something could fit. Very round, this hollow. In it is something not round, though -- a small folded paper.
Bingly: I open it up and read it.
Dungeon Master: It says, "Secret use for a dark stone! This rock placed in a fire for cooking results in food so lively!"
Pilchard: Ha -- true and deceptive, it's paradoxic!
Bingly: This hollow where the note of paradox was -- is it sizable for the dark stone marble?
Dungeon Master: Maybe.
Bingly: I take out the marble and see. Does it fit?
Dungeon Master: Identically!
Bingly: I close the small box. It goes in my pocket, and then I inform others of coins in the bakery cash box.
Rouge: I arrive quickly to count it. How much is there?
Dungeon Master: The coins are mixed, but together, about 15 gold pieces.
Rouge: Five each! I divide them.
Bingly: What about Team Reading?
Rouge: Did they suffer a goleming? You can divide yours with them if you want.
Bingly: Hmm. My alignment is not Chaotic Chaotic, but also it isn't Lawful of any sort, so your argument convinces.
Dungeon Master: Any further activities by Team Exploration?
Helsa: I'm in favor of a short rest. My hit points -- very damaged.
Rouge: Oh! It's the same for me. Since treasure searching no longer distracts, I am pained. Very sore and bread-beaten.
Bingly: Is a bakery good for resting? Or would a return to Team Reading show more wisdom?
Helsa: I prefer returning.
Rouge: Me as well. One of our Plumes can heal, I recall.
Bingly: Probably hurrying is recommended, then. In case of other perils in this town.
Dungeon Master: My die rolling produces no perils on your return trip.
Grolka: When I see them returning bruised and crumbed, I ask what occurred.
Helsa: A fight in a bakery.
Rouge: We're pained. Let us through.
Grolka: I allow their passage.
Rouge: Inside, I announce my injuries. "Plume, please repeal these woundings!"
Penny: Okay! My spell lessens your wounds by 10. Is it sufficient?
Rouge: Probably, since we intend a rest.
Dungeon Master: So, the party is regathered. What do you discuss?
Pilchard: I tell them we read some notes, but the handwriting became regrettable over time, making it less pleasant.
Penny: I tell them all about the sad starved skeleton's tale.
Rouge: Even the headstoning of Rotavam's death spot?
Penny: It was part of the story, right?
Rouge: I say we must go and search there, after our rest. The sad skeleton said he wanted Rovatam's sister to have something from her brother. Loot may be buried there!
Helsa: Speaking of rest, I'd like some. My bruises still pang at me.
Bingly: How is the time? Should this rest be a long one instead of short?
Dungeon Master: The sun appears low. Evening will arrive with speed.
Penny: If we are long resting, I can cast more healing on our ranger since my spells will recover overnight.
Helsa: I approve of this plan.
Penny: 19 is my total now.
Helsa: Very capable! I applaud your magery.
Dungeon Master: Who will guard the resting party?
Pilchard: Probably our barbaric orc will be ready to rest. Already she's been standing outside so long.
Grolka: Less boring to stand outside than to watch mages reading. Also, I am extremely Constitutional. No chance I'll be tired from an hour or two.
Helsa: Yours can be the first watch, then. Awaken me when it's the next turn. Wait, though. I am elfly, so I don't sleep. Just alert me from trance after four hours. Then I can perform two watches alone.
Dungeon Master: No perils from my rolling on the first watch.
Penny: Would it be shorter to call them per-rolls?
Dungeon Master: Yes, very efficient! 15 experience points. Ah -- but my next per-roll endangers you. Helsa, tell me a page number! Somewhere close to it is what occurs.
Helsa: ... I will just roll two sets of percentaging dice. 45 plus 85 is 130.
Dungeon Master: Hmm ... this monster is possible. Roll for how well you perceive the dark street of this ruinous town during your watch.
Helsa: Poorly. The total is 7.
Dungeon Master: You are ambushed by a ghast! It stealths very close to you, ready for meleeing! Roll another Perception to see if you can Initiate or if it's an entire surprise.
Helsa: This time, 13.
Dungeon Master: You can Initiate.
Helsa: So sluggish. It's 6.
Dungeon Master: Much faster, this ghast. It is very hungry from no one to feed on in years, so it bites at you. The roll for hitting -- 17.
Helsa: I am bitten. 
Dungeon Master: 9 points of being pierced, 7 points of being necroticked. Now it begins your turn, and you must save Constitutionally against its hideous stench.
Helsa: 12.
Dungeon Master: Safe!
Helsa: I cry out for assistance. Next, I drop my shortbow and draw my shortsword. I Bonus Action with a Hunter's Mark spell. Then my attack roll is 10.
Dungeon Master: It's a miss. Others may now roll to Initiate! Or, if you consider your character very tired, you can roll Constitutionally to see if you awake.
Pilchard: I initiate at 20.
Penny: Very nice! Mine is only 7.
Grolka: 8 for an orcish barbarian.
Rouge: I am enjoying tieflingish dreams, so I must Constitution it. Only a 7.
Bingly: 12 is Bingly's Initiative.
Dungeon Master: Rouge is slumbersome this round. Pilchard, you are awake and first!
Pilchard: The door is incomplete, correct? I will Witchbolt through a gap if I can see. My total is 20.
Penny: So much twentying from Pilchard!
Pilchard: The stench of this ghast makes me want a quick end for this fight. I am using a level 2 slot for 3d12 of damage. 21 total!
Penny: Your streak of exact 20s has broken, though.
Dungeon Master: The creature remains undead! And its turn is next. Now, it claws at the ranger. 14 to hit.
Helsa: I am clawed.
Dungeon Master: The damage is 10.
Helsa: Painful, but I remain awake.
Bingly: I'm next, yes? I don't think any of my spells fits fighting a ghast. I throw a dagger instead. 20! The damage is 3.
Dungeon Master: Grolka's turn begins.
Grolka: I rise, seize my battleaxe, and rush to attack. Only a 9, though. Penny is next.
Penny: I will Orb it Chromatically. My spell attack is 11.
Dungeon Master: You miss. Helsa?
Helsa: I draw my dagger and fight two-weaponedly. My shortsword attack is 14. This does 10 points of damage from the sword and 3 more from my Hunter's Mark spell.
Dungeon Master: The ghast is destroyed! 75 experience points each.
Helsa: I am bitten and clawed, and it is the middle of the night, so no one has regained spells except my ranger. I think I must use mine for healing.
Penny: No, I still have some! 22 for my first one.
Helsa: My remaining wound is minor, then.
Penny: But I'll have new spells in the morning, so I cure some more. 12.
Helsa: Thank you. Unless ghast stench lingers in my clothing, I am returned to my original condition.
Dungeon Master: It does not linger much. But probably you want to drag the ghast body far from your hideaway.
Grolka: I will do that before returning to bed.
Dungeon Master: In that case, morning arrives.
Rouge: Who will accompany me to Rovatam's memorial?
Bingly: Shouldn't there be breakfast first?
Grolka: Probably even before that, a barbarian would piss.
Penny: Eww! I mean, probably everyone would. But is it enjoyable for roleplaying?
Grolka: As much as breakfast.
Rouge: In this case, during the pissing and breakfasting, I go to search for the grave of Rovatam near the river. But no too near! Beyond plesiosaurus neck reach, obviously.
Grolka: While pissing, do I see any other buildings that might have interest to adventurers?
Dungeon Master: How far does your journey for relief take you?
Grolka: Around a corner and out of the sad wind, I think.
Dungeon Master: Northwardly and westwardly along the street you see a diamond-shape building with a roof still in place. Rouge, roll to discover how Perceiving you are with a gravestone or marker.
Rouge: 13.
Dungeon Master: After some minutes, you find on the ground two crossed boards, tied at the center. They're old and rottish. The cord tying them appears feeble with agedness. 
Rouge: Are there signs of buried items near these boards?
Dungeon Master: More Perceiving! Roll, please.
Rouge: 20!
Dungeon Master: Somewhat near is a low heap of rocks, covered over partly with dirt and grass.
Rouge: I use the boards to dig this heap.
Dungeon Master: So rottish, the boards! Snap, and crumble! No chance of success with these for tools.
Rouge: Hmm. I have a burgle pack, though. Contents include a crowbar, so I will crowbar the heap instead.
Dungeon Master: After some time laboring, you reach a bag.
Rouge: Yes! I unearth it and open the bag.
Dungeon Master: Inside -- a splendid cloak and a spice pouch. Both appear very fine -- unusual in quality and appearance.
Rouge: Magical, perhaps?
Dungeon Master: Could be. But! There's misfortune -- your crowbarring has roused a small snake that used the heap for a burrow! It bites at you during your distraction of examining treasures. The roll is only a 10, however. Roll for Initiating!
Rouge: 13.
Dungeon Master: Only 11 for the snake. You may go.
Rouge: I draw my short sword and slice it!
Bingly: Very brave, fighting with no companions.
Rouge: She said it was small. It is small, right? My roll for attacking is 14.
Dungeon Master: It is small, but you notice wicked fangs. 14 hits it.
Rouge: These wicked fangs could have been announced earlier! My damage is 7.
Dungeon Master: It looks very harmed and flees into its destructed burrow.
Rouge: I move far away and put the cloak and pouch in my burgle pack. Then I return to my party.
Pilchard: I ask, "Did you find anything, Rouge?"
Penny: Oh! If Rouge lies, is there a rule for discovering it? Your sneakery may be discovered then!
Rouge: Why would I lie? Much simpler to say, "If you wanted to know that, you should have accompanied me."
Dungeon Master: All these dialogues are impatient! The tiefling spent many minutes searching and crowbarring and snake-fighting. Other things may have happened during this absence.
Penny: What other things?
Grolka: I predict a per-roll during my barbaric pissing.
Dungeon Master: Yes, wandering and then pants-downing alone in a ruinous village invites peril. The per-roll is 6! You are encountered! Pilchard, choose a page number.
Pilchard: Hmm. One hundred, seventy-two.
Dungeon Master: Hnn... 166 ... 171 ... 172! Ah, this is credible. You see a tiny winged humanoid!
Penny: Like a fairy?
Helsa: Those are fey rather than humanoid.
Penny: Then like an angel?
Pilchard: Angels are their own thing, even if their looks are human-ish.
Dungeon Master: I will increase my specificness. Let me roll according to Player's Handbook humanoid species. You see a tiny winged dragonborn.
Grolka: I tell it to go away because I am pissing.
Dungeon Master: It shakes its tiny head while hovering a few feet from you. With one arm, it points urgently upward and toward the center of town.
Grolka: Can I look that direction without interrupting a piss?
Rouge: How many rounds are you pissing?
Grolka: I assume orcish barbarians who are very Constitutional would have a great size of bladder.
Dungeon Master: I roll 5 rounds of urine being dispensed before the creature appears. Roll one hit die to determine your remaining duration of piss needed.
Grolka: 8.
Dungeon Master: The angle is poor for you to look in that direction. The creature continues to point. After two rounds, it becomes impatient and flits upward, then downward, then side to side, each time making a new pointing gesture. After four rounds, its features become angered.
Grolka: I tell it to go in the starved skeleton building and bother someone else.
Helsa: Is this discussion hearable to others in the building?
Pilchard: Or is it drowned out by an epic flood of piss-sound?
Dungeon Master: Roll your Perceivings.
Pilchard: My total is 3.
Penny: I don't wish to hear pissing, so I hum and try to have my ears avoid it.
Helsa: I Perceive with a 14.
Dungeon Master: Above the sad wind, you can tell there's an orc talking, but the words are sadly winded away.
Helsa: I assume they do not provoke alarm, then. Because I am hermitly, I allow our orc to her privacy.
Bingly: No Perceiving roll for me. My character is only interested in cool magical things, which does not describe pee noise.
Dungeon Master: After six rounds, the creature flies up above building height, pointing again in the same direction. Then, back down. So impatient, its face as it continues this behavior.
Grolka: When pissing is complete, if the creature remains, I call out to companions inside the building. "There's a creature out here! It wants something!"
Bingly: Sounds interesting -- if the tone of our barbarian's voice is not alarmful.
Grolka: More annoyedful.
Bingly: I exit, then!
Pilchard: Similarly.
Penny: Yes, me too!
Helsa: I will exit as well. It's preferable to remaining in the building with a sadly starved skeleton.
Rouge: Wait -- did we camp the whole night with that thing in there?
Dungeon Master: No one proposed removing it, so yes.
Pilchard: I feel like our characters would not make this oversight.
Penny: It seems discomforting!
Helsa: Perhaps a sad, starved skeleton roused so much of a pity in us, we could not bear to toss its bones out in the street.
Rouge: Sensible. Plus, who would want to sleep where it starved so sadly? That spot would stay unused whether a skeleton remained or not.
Bingly: I'm convinced. Also, ready to examine this tiny winged dragonbornish creature. What do I roll to identify it?
Dungeon Master: Based on my reading of this creature description, your roll should be Arcana.
Bingly: Ah! I'm capable with that skill! But eh, I achieve only a 15.
Dungeon Master: This I think is okay for knowing that it is a homunculus -- a wizardly creation.
Pilchard: I roll also! But it's only a 13. I suppose I know the same or a little less.
Penny: I just ask Bingly, "You look less puzzled than my brother. Do you know what it is?"
Bingly: "A homunculus. Wizards create them."
Dungeon Master: Very agitated, this homunculus now. It flies in circles. It points with both hands at different party members and then at the town's center.
Penny: My Arcana skill is okay, but my History is better. I try to remember if there have been famous homunculuses in olden times. Hm. Like my brother, I roll only 13.
Dungeon Master: So specific a piece of history -- 13 seems inadequate for knowing it. Pilchard's 13 Arcana is enough to think, "Hmm, maybe I've heard that," after Bingly identifies for them.
Pilchard: What does this homunculus want, Grolka?
Grolka: I don't have this knowledge. Why would I?
Helsa: You've had time to ask it, right?
Grolka: I asked it to stop bothering me while pissing. It refused.
Bingly: Did you include "please?"
Grolka: I am a barbaric orc. Barbarians don't see usefulness in "please," and the way orcs indicate "please" is just to not end a request with, "or I will beat you."
Dungeon Master: The homunculus points at all of you and then flies a little ways toward the town center. Then it looks to see if you have followed.
Pilchard: I did not.
Penny: Aren't we waiting for our thieveling tiefling?
Grolka: If others are not following the creature, I do not.
Helsa: I agree we should not abandon Rouge.
Bingly: Technically, she is the one who left, right? So isn't she the abandoner?
Pilchard: Hmm. I don't remember if she said she was coming back.
Penny: Me either.
Rouge: This is assumable!
Bingly: Yes, but would our characters assume it?
Dungeon Master: When the homunculus observes there is no following, it flies back, repeats its gesture, and flies forward again. It has an expression of even more impatience.
Grolka: All right. Should I follow this homunculus, or kill it? I am tired of its pestering.
Penny: Don't kill it! It's cute and tiny!
Bingly: Not as cute as an octopus, though.
Dungeon Master: The homunculus has a wary look for Grolka.
Pilchard: I tell it we must wait for our tiefling, then we can follow.
Penny: Please don't pester our barbarian until then!
Grolka: Or after then.
Helsa: How long is it before the tiefling returns?
Dungeon Master: These things happened close together: a tiefling walked toward the river, and a barbarian walked around a building corner. Notice which takes longer! Then, a tiefling searched and spied, compared to a barbarian pissing for 13 rounds. Then a tiefling crowbarred a mound and also fought with a small snake of deadly venom --
Rouge: This snake! It's described so much more dangerously every time! I don't think I would have fought a snake of such danger.
Bingly: You definitely would be dead if bitten. So lucky to escape unharmed.
Dungeon Master: The intention is not for showing how endangered the tiefling is, but comparing the search adventure to the pissing one for length.
Rouge: Wait, "is"??? I look around for that snake! If I am snake-chased, my trip back to the skeleton house will be much faster.
Dungeon Master: No, you are unchased. There's ten minutes of waiting by the group.
Grolka: Is the homunculus pestering?
Dungeon Master: No, but still very impatient.
Penny: Did we ever finish breakfast? I eat any of my ration remnants while we wait. Oh! These rations are plain. I regret buying them instead of bacon.
Dungeon Master: All breakfasting is done when Rouge returns.
Pilchard: Did you find anything?
Rouge: First, explain this hovering homunculus!
Grolka: It wants us to follow it.
Rouge: Did you ask, "Is there treasure?"
Bingly: No.
Rouge: It's the first question of homunculus encountering! How could you not ask it? I ask the homunculus if there's treasure.
Dungeon Master: It taps its tiny chin thinkingly. Then, there's a slow shrug of, "mayyybe?" Then it points more and flies briefly forward again.
Rouge: We must follow it!
Pilchard: You didn't answer my question.
Rouge: No time! Didn't you observe that shrug of, "Treasure is possible?" I follow the homunculus.
Dungeon Master: The homunculus leads you between some buildings to the next street. It crosses the street. There, it leads you into an alley. Beyond the alley, you can tell -- it's the center of town where the tower of creepy stands.
Helsa: Is this homunculus possibly leading us into a trap?
Rouge: Of course! Treasures often have traps. But we will cleverly avoid them! I continue following.
Dungeon Master: Has everyone followed?
Pilchard: Apparently.
Penny: If my brother followed, I followed him next.
Grolka: These Plumes need my barbaric protection, so I follow also.
Helsa: Implausible for everyone else to follow and a ranger to stay behind.
Bingly: Even though you're hermitly?
Helsa: I am formerly hermitly, before my rangerhood. This town does not seem ideal for a return to hermitly habits.
Bingly: Sensible. I follow too, of course. The creepy tower of creepy black stone has crept into my magely curiosity.
Dungeon Master: Before the alley-trip finishes, the homunculus stops. It points at each of you, then turns its head down, as if looking at the ground. Additionally, it cups its hands around its eyes.
Pilchard: Binocular-wise?
Dungeon Master: No, like shading from the sun. Or blocking view of things that are not the ground.
Penny: Ooh! Remember, the starved skeleton wrote that its companion said, "Don't look at it!"
Grolka: You think this homunculus is the companion?
Pilchard: No, the companion was 'Arngo' and cried out the warning, no pantomiming involved.
Penny: What if looking caused Arngo to turn into a homunculus?
Rouge: These questions do not bring us nearer to treasure. I shade my eyes like the homunculus and look groundward. "Let's go, homunculus!" Does it begin leading further?
Bingly: You can't see because of shaded eyes. Also, you don't know it's a homunculus, so probably you shouldn't keep calling it that.
Rouge: Then I say, "Let's go, thing that I don't know what you are because no one has told me in order to keep me from having to describe you with excessive long-windedness every time I mention you!"
Penny: I tell Rouge it's a homunculus.
Dungeon Master: The homunculus points to Rouge and then to each other character. Again, it lowers its head and shades its eyes.
Pilchard: I guess we're doing this. I also lower my head and shade my eyes.
Penny: I wish our rolls of homunculus identifying were better so we would know, are homunculuses sometimes evil and trickstery? This information might help my comfort when I lower my head too.
Grolka: A benefit of this eye-hiding is, I don't have to look at this pestering homunculus. I participate also.
Helsa: As do I.
Bingly: Same.
Dungeon Master: When all are looking groundward, the homunculus flies low to the earth, where Rouge can observe its shadow and feel the breeze from its wing-beats. If all follow, it leads you out from the alley and across the wide common area of town. Now along with sad-sounding wind and homunculus wing-beats, you begin to hear sounds of neck-tickly creakingness. Like the air is glass, or ice, with weight placed on it that is almost enough to break through. The air feels weighty also.
Pilchard: I'm becoming anxious.
Penny: Me too!
Rouge: You know something that is heavy? Gold! It has extreme of heaviness! Maybe the air will crack open and gold will rain out. I keep following the homunculus shadow.
Dungeon Master: The wind is growing. Closer and closer, the creakingness sound. You see the shadow of the tower ahead now. The homunculus lands and walks against the wind instead of flying. So much effort for its tiny form to struggle into this wind. Not much easier for larger folk either.
Pilchard: My anxiousness increases.
Grolka: Did I mention, my axe is out? It definitely is.
Helsa: My shortsword and dagger also.
Dungeon Master: The homunculus steps into the shadow of tower. So much wind! When you follow, the shadow instantly coldens your feet, like stepping in ice water. Further, and icy wind rises and rises with the shadowing upon you.
Pilchard: Hmm. Is it possible the Dungeon Master provides hints here that maybe we should turn back?
Penny: What? No, a tiny cute homunculus is a hint that we will be okay, I'm certain.
Grolka: Do you remember her saying, "This homunculus is cute, by the way?" I don't remember that.
Helsa: My memory is, it looks like a tiny dragonborn. In the book they are not cute of appearance.
Dungeon Master: You arrive at stairs! Only a few, three or four, leading up to a door. The homunculus points you there.
Rouge: I climb them! What do I see at this door?
Dungeon Master: It has no hinges, no handle. Its material is creepy black stone -- but with texture of wood. Is it stone carved into wood shape? Or wood turned into creepy stone? Hard to tell. In the door's middle is a smooth flat square, no woodiness to it at all. It has three little pits, or indents, in it, arranged triangularly.
Pilchard: Like an even triangle? Because any three pits or indents would be a triangle.
Helsa: Not if in a straight line.
Pilchard: But she already described its triangularity.
Dungeon Master: It's a triangle of sharp shape. One pit is high up from the other two. Those two are close next to one another.
Bingly: How large are these pits or indents? Possibly about the size of a strange black stone marble?
Dungeon Master: Yes! Exactly such a size! Thirty experience points! The homunculus climbs up onto one shoulder of Rouge. It points, here, and here, and here at the indents, with urgency. Then it points out toward the town and gestures of bringing something from the town to the door to put in the indents.
Pilchard: So ... we have to go back to the ruins and quest out two more marbles to put in these holes.
Grolka: Do we even know there is one marble?
Helsa: Rouge and I observed Bingly's discovery of it.
Rouge: Yes! I announce that these indents look just like the marble of a golem oven. We must find two others!
Dungeon Master: You have learned a new goal! I see a late time on the clock, though. This goal must wait until next session. 100 experience points each for puzzling and discoveries!
Pilchard: Excellent!
Penny: I can't wait to find more black marbles!
Rouge: I can't wait to find treasure.
Bingly: Praise for our Dungeon Master -- so much fun this session.
Pilchard: Yes!
Grolka: I agree.
Helsa: This campaign grows more and more in enjoyment.
Dungeon Master: I'm so pleased! Hopefully you do not all die next time.
Pilchard: Um ...
Penny: Uh ...
Dungeon Master: Haha, it's humor!
Penny: Whew!
Dungeon Master: Maybe. We will find out!

Fifth Dungeon! Creepy Ruins Around a Dark and Creepy Tower!

Dungeon Master: The plesiosaurus has fled! Before you: the crumbly bridge. Beyond that, a town in dilapidation and ruin. Somewhere middle-wise ... the tall tower of black stone. It seems to shadow in every direction, even when the sun hides behind clouds. What do you do?
Pilchard: Well, first I suggest some resting. Our barbaric orc got toothed severely by a plesiosaurus, didn't she? Also, spells were expended. So we might wish to recover some before venturing into unhappy ruins near a tower so creepy.
Plummet: Won't a plesiosaurus rest too?
Grolka: It knows to fear us now. Even rested, it will hesitate to experience such harsh wounding again.
Helsa: Is this a trait of plesiosauses?
Rouge: A treat of please yo sore asses?
Dungeon Master: Certainly many animals behave so after harmful experience. Probably if you rest before your bridge crossing, you will gain data one way or another about a plesiosaurus in this regard.
Plummet: Well, I'm already lying down for rest. But not too close to the river!
Rouge: I guess the resting is decided, then.
Dungeon Master: I will roll a die of encounters -- does something happens during this rest? No, you rest without event.
Pilchard: So now, the bridge.
Helsa: Is our plan unchanged, with a ranger scouting ahead?
Rouge: Unless Bingly found another familiar with his spell. He might unleash a new octopus.
Bingly: So disrespectful of my expired familiar that would be! A suitable mourning duration must pass! Also, I did not think of it.
Dungeon Master: Then the ranger proceeds.
Helsa: I use slow and careful steppings. My eyes watch for cracks! I avoid those. Also any holes. Near the crumblesome parts, I stay very nearby the railing.
Dungeon Master: You cross without events.
Plummet: Whew!
Rouge: I will go next, in case each set of feet going across weakens the bridge to collapsing. Wait! Why is the dungeon master rolling a die?
Dungeon Master: No reason.
Rouge: My care is equal to the hermitly ranger's! There shouldn't be a collapse!
Bingly: Maybe she rolls to see if a plesiosaurus sniffs the smell of enticing tiefling.
Dungeon Master: You may ignore the roll. Possibly it indicated nothing happens.
Rouge: "Possibly" fails to reassure me! But I am continuing so carefully!
Dungeon Master: You successfully cross. A ranger is there.
Grolka: Mages should go next. Last will be the orc of burlsome weight.
Bingly: A very small, light halfling makes sense to go next. On this passage, I avoid looking at the watery grave where my familiar perished.
Dungeon Master: No difficulties occur.
Pilchard: Do you want to go next, sister, or ... ?
Plummet: A brother can go. That way I will be closest to the barbaric defense behind us.
Dungeon Master: Both mages cross without problem.
Grolka: I step upon the crumbly bridge. Will there be more rolling of Dungeon Master dice?
Dungeon Master: Why not? Hmm ... hmm ... hmm ...
Plummet: Why so many rolls!
Dungeon Master: It's fine. No perils appeared.
Grolka: Good. Then let us explore these ruins with promptness. Now that we know the bridge could support us so sturdily, it feels very cowardish and un-barbaric that I had to go last.
Helsa: As first across, I have been looking around to see these ruins, especially nearby ones that might conceal monsters.
Dungeon Master: You see many wreckages of buildings. Ahead of the bridge, looks like there's a street leading deeper into town. To right and left, a street around the edge of town. Mostly, these streets are dirt covering old stones from paving that have buried or worn away. There's sort of some open lot leftward. Here is a map I have drawn!

Pilchard: Very nice!
Plummet: You are so talented in artistry, Dungeon Master! Why do I forget this so often?
Dungeon Master: Probably it's my laziness and lack of ever doing artworks.
Helsa: Some buildings appear to have roofs. Is this viewable from our location?
Rouge: Plus, one has gold-looking color inside. Is it actual gold? I am attracted to golden twinkles if I can see them.
Dungeon Master: One or two roofs, possibly, you could see above the sad, crumbly buildings between you and roofed ones. I order you to ignore the gold-ish look of that area. You can't see it from here. There's something hearable, though -- sad, quiet winds blowing through the empty stone of wreckages.
Bingly: This wreckaged town feels very sad to me.
Dungeon Master: Yes! Sad winds, sad buildings of crumbly, everything very sad. Except the tower of creepiness.
Pilchard: Brr, creeply.
Plummet: Ick, and also, yuck!
Grolka: Are we going there or not?
Bingly: I'm for this. What is the mysterious darkness around it? Seems intriguingly magical and cool.
Dungeon Master: Hard to tell from here.
Pilchard: I guess it's decided for us to head that direction.
Grolka: I will lead. In case of lurking monstrosities, I prepare my battleaxe.
Helsa: My shortbow is similarly ready.
Rouge: My eyes are ready to spot any signs of treasure.
Dungeon Master: You approach the first row of buildings. There is deep quiet, except for wind. I think there is a word for this empty, lonely feeling of uninhabited-for-so-long buildings.
Helsa: Desolate.
Dungeon Master: Yes! Twenty experience points! Now you are passing between the first of the buildings. Beyond, another street crosses yours.
Grolka: I look left and right.
Rouge: I look especially right. It's not for a particular reason, definitely not because of a gold-ish look anywhere. I am ignoring that as ordered.
Dungeon Master: Immediately leftward, on the far side of the new street, two desolated buildings, barely even standing walls. But next to them is a place more intact, with part of a roof! Even there are some scraps of wood planks in the doorway, like bones of a door. To the right -- more broken, low walls. Past those, a building unusually large. It has a few timbers of roof showing, stretched between the walls and a tall chimney with a broken, falling-down top.
Plummet: Do we want to explore buildings that stand out in these ways?
Grolka: I don't get much excitement from a roof or a chimney.
Rouge: A roof might cover something valuable, though.
Pilchard: Or permit the lairing of enormous bats underneath.
Helsa: If one building has more size than most, as well as a chimney and partial roof, these outstanding characteristics may add up to a worthiness for exploration.
Rouge: I agree! Even with the unusual goldishness disregarded.
Bingly: Also ... the dungeon master took extra effort at drawing these locations. Might be a clue they're worth investigation.
Dungeon Master: Yes! Thirty experience points!
Bingly: There's a however, however ... my character doesn't know of this extra dungeon mastering effort, and poor-condition roofs are not appealingly cool, like a dark-stone tower.
Dungeon Master: Points retracted for Bingly the mage having no reason to earn them. But! Thirty other points awarded for honesty.
Pilchard: My vote is to have a look. It's more to delay approaching a creepy tower than because I find interest in buildings a little less wreckaged standing out from buildings of greater wreckagedness.
Plummet: I agree. We should start with the closer one.
Grolka: All right. I cross the street and approach the doorway of rotten-plank door-bones.
Helsa: I am listening carefully for sounds of activities within this building -- lurkings and so on.
Dungeon Master: Roll how Perceiving you are!
Helsa: I am only 9 Perceptive. Very sad.
Dungeon Master: You hear wind, and orc footsteps.
Grolka: Now I am closer to the door opening. What can I see?
Dungeon Master: It's shady inside. Roll for peeking and peering.
Grolka: 8.
Dungeon Master: A shadowy floor. Looks lumpy.
Grolka: I step close enough to poke inside with my head. Orcs see well in the dark. Can I determine anything yet?
Dungeon Master: Yes! In one corner, broken-open roofing. A little light squeaks in there. In the light: an old, old ring of rocks with charred wood. In the other corner -- a rotted bedroll holds a skeleton!
Plummet: Eek! Is it the moving, fighting kind of skeleton?
Dungeon Master: Possibly. But in that case, it is very tired. Grolka sees no moving of its limbs or head. However! Some papers are trapped partly under its bones.
Grolka: I will fetch them. Does the tired skeleton wake up for a fight?
Dungeon Master: No. You conclude that probably, it's just a dead skeleton.
Pilchard: Is there writing on the papers? If so, I'd wish to read them!
Rouge: Do any resemble a treasure map? If so, I can happily look it over.
Dungeon Master: Writings, yes. Treasure maps, no.
Rouge: Blah. Give them to a mage, then.
Grolka: I do so. Unless they are written in orcish.
Dungeon Master: No, just commonish.
Pilchard: Before reading, I examine the writing. Is it neat? Fancy of penmanship? Or a chicken scrawl?
Grolka: Why is this important?
Pilchard: I have scribely interest in addition to magely interest.
Dungeon Master: The start is neat. But there's shakiness the more it goes on.
Pilchard: All right, what does it say?
Dungeon Master: Things like, "I can't figure out how Matavor and Arngo got inside!" and "They don't seem to be coming out." Also, "I heard some distant howlings, so I came to hide in this ruin that has partly a roof."
Helsa: I make sure I do not hear distant howlings also. My Perceiving roll is ... 20 in all!
Dungeon Master: Still only wind. Unless Pilchard reads out loud. In that case, you also hear Pilchard reading out loud.
Pilchard: I am intrigued by this story, so probably not. Is there more?
Dungeon Master: Yes. "Rovatam found me! I'm relieved the black mists did not get him. However, we are both so hungry. Arngo had all of our provisioning. It's important for him to come out! Or, if something happened to him, it's important for Matavor to bring out those rations. Also, Rovatam worries about his sister but I tell him at least she has food if she is still with Arngo." Next is, "Rovatam wants to try angling the river. I am very hungry, so I tell him it's a good idea. If I had fishhooks, I would help." Next is, "Something in the river has eaten Rovatam."
Plummet: This story becomes so sad!
Grolka: Are you surprised? Even a barbaric orc with 9 Intelligence remembers, it ends with a skeleton alone on a bedroll.
Plummet: That doesn't stop it from being sad!
Rouge: Can you skip to any mentions of treasure or loot?
Pilchard: Do I find any of those, Dungeon Master?
Dungeon Master: No. I wrote some more details of the lonely skeleton's days of waiting and starvation, but I don't want Plummet to be sad.
Rouge: As long as we're not skipping treasure parts, this omission is suitable.
Bingly: I'm curious why you're still listening instead of looting the skeleton and bedroll.
Rouge: I assumed our orc accomplished this already and found nothing.
Dungeon Master: I didn't narrate such details.
Rouge: No, but my character is unaware of the lack of narration. All she knows is, an orc went in, and an orc came out with some papers.
Bingly: Good point.
Plummet: Pilchard! You are being a writings hog. Hand around each paper as you finish it, at least.
Grolka: I thought the story was making you sad. Why ask to read for yourself?
Plummet: My character doesn't even know to be sad yet, because of her page-hogging brother. So she has great impatient even though I am glad for a Dungeon Master not telling more.
Pilchard: I hand pages to my sister as I go.
Plummet: Thank you.
Rouge: So boring standing around with mages reading! Grolka, are you certain of there being no loot besides these writings? (This is my character asking.)
Grolka: This is how my character answers: I did not look.
Rouge: "What!" I scurry inside to search, immediately.
Dungeon Master: You find a dried-up ink bottle. So unliquified -- just ink flakes around the inside. Also, a backpack nearby with a tinder-box that has been used up and a lamp that is empty. Some rope is coiled in the bottom, but looks rotten from oldness. Probably not safe for climbing.
Rouge: This skeleton is beggarly! I tell it I hope it was not so disappointing when alive. Also, I look carefully at the bones for jewelry or a coin purse.
Dungeon Master: You find a ring!
Rouge: No one entered with me, correct? I hide it.
Bingly: Chaotic Chaotic ... very accurately alignmented, your character.
Rouge: Thank you. What about under the bedroll, Dungeon Master? I check there.
Dungeon Master: Mostly some bugs.
Pilchard: Do any of the pages relate to this group's explorations near the creepy dark tower? I am guessing that is the "inside" the skeleton said two of them got into.
Dungeon Master: It's considerable reading to determine this. Are you engaging in it?
Pilchard: Yes.
Plummet: Also, it's a yes for me.
Rouge: While they have noses stuck in so many pages of skeleton diarying, anybody want to investigate the other building that's notable on this street?
Bingly: Probably it's more interesting than watching mages read.
Helsa: Possibly also more dangerous, though.
Rouge: Bingly is brave and will go first.
Bingly: I don't think I said so.
Dungeon Master: These discussions -- suspend them briefly, please!
Rouge: Okay.
Bingly: Sure. What's up?
Dungeon Master: If some are truly splitting away to investigate elsewhere, we must determine who involves themselves in which activity. Then, it's easy for a Dungeon Master to switch between one group and another. Remember my lowly level of Dungeon Mastering experience! Two or three discussions at once -- it's too many. I can't manage it.
Rouge: Sorry.
Bingly: I also express regret.
Grolka: Seems to me the same strategy would apply as in our recent falling adventure. A fighting type should be in each group, and a healing type also.
Helsa: So again I would go with Rouge and Bingly, and Grolka with the Plume mages?
Rouge: Works for me.
Plummet: Orc's for me too! Haha!
Grolka: It's fortunate I'm barbaric or that joke might provide offense.
Plummet: Oh gosh, sorry!
Grolka: No problem. A barbarian mostly lacks sensitivity of that sort.
Dungeon Master: So! Plame mages are perusing. Bingly, Rouge, and Helsa investigate down the street in southernly, easternly fashion. Milvicent the driver --
Pilchard: I forgot all about her.
Dungeon Master: -- will stay with a large, strong-looking orc and two wizards instead of going with an octopus mage, suspicious tiefling, and homely elf.
Plummet: With a description of this sort, seems like these teams aren't so even.
Grolka: Yes. Our team has four, and their team just three.
Plummet: No, I meant --
Grolka: Also, if we find a wagon, our team has a driver.
Helsa: Orc logic ... is there any arguing with it?
Plummet: I guess it's a "no."
Dungeon Master: All right, exploring time! Team Exploration, down the street you go. Team Reading, you remain. Both teams continue to hear sad wind. Team Reading, you also hear and feel the sad wind whiffling at your pages.
Pilchard: Should we go inside out of this sad wind?
Grolka: Still sounded sad when I was inside. Right, Dungeon Master?
Dungeon Master: Yes, but a little more distantly sad.
Plummet: Also no worry about our pages blowing away sadly.
Grolka: All right. Mages and a wagon driver, enter the building. A barbaric orc will guard the doorway.
Dungeon Master: Your reading proceeds, not yet revealing sentences or paragraphs about approaching the creepy dark tower. The guardian of orcish type barbarically observes only Team Exploration walking down the street to the other building.
Pilchard: Reading continues, then.
Plummet: I will ask our driver, "Do you want to read pages when I complete them?"
Dungeon Master: These times are medieval, so only a 20% chance she can read. Here's the roll ... first die is 0, second die is ... also 0.
Pilchard: Oh no, so wasteful of a doubled zero!
Grolka: Eh. Seems like not such a big deal to me.
Plummet: Why not? It only happens once in a hundred rolls! (Usually.)
Grolka: Every number happens only once in a hundred rolls. It's like logic of playing lottery numbers. Would you play 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6?
Plummet: No, that would never happen!
Grolka: Same likelihood to happen as 13, 24, 29, 45, 50, 33, but you'd play those, right?
Dungeon Master: Genuinely the same? I'm suspicious.
Pilchard: Definitely the same.
Plummet: Wow. I feel lucky I have never bought tickets for lotterying.
Dungeon Master: So we say, "Natural 20! So fortunate!" or "I roll a 1. This terrible die, I curse it!" Only then, "11. Not too good or bad." But around us our universe says, "20, 1, 11 ... why do I care?"
Rouge: Is this a game, or a classroom of statistics or philosophical?
Dungeon Master: It is all! Our minds are enriched! 50 experience points each!"
Plummet: Woohoo!
Dungeon Master: Now ... Team Exploration. The building is fully approached. You're very near. A sad wind whistles through the roof timbers mentioned before. Also, across the crumbly chimney of top-falling-off. This sound -- almost ghostly in hauntingness!
Helsa: I'm not excited to encounter a ghost.
Rouge: Me either. No way for ghosts to be carrying money.
Bingly: Is the door splinter-fied like at the skeleton house?
Dungeon Master: No -- in fact, very solid looking. Iron bands and wood that looks very dense.
Helsa: Should we open it, then?
Rouge: Could be locked or trapped. First let's do searching.
Bingly: Who's our best perceiver? Definitely it's not me!
Helsa: My Perceiving is +4.
Rouge: Only +3 here. Go ahead and ranger it, Helsa.
Helsa: That roll adds to 22!
Dungeon Master: No traps, but yes locked.
Rouge: I will tool it with my thieving set! 24!
Dungeon Master: Unlatched. Now, who will be the opener?
Helsa: It's me, I suppose. Are a tiefling and halfling ready?
Rouge: Yes -- I have armed myself!
Bingly: My staff is prepared.
Helsa: I draw my shortsword and open the door, then.
Dungeon Master: It's heavy! Slow and sluggish, it opens at your push, and with a loud, long creaking noise.
Rouge: What's inside? Does it look golden and treasurely, like on the map we are ignoring?
Dungeon Master: Not really. Shelves, dusty counters, and empty cases of some kind for holding goods. There's a clue about the sort of place it is beneath the chimney, though -- a very large oven of black iron.
Plummet: Ooh! Like in a restaurant or a bakery?
Pilchard: Or, you know, possibly a crematorium.
Plummet: Ick!
Dungeon Master: Your characters are absent! No clueing Team Exploration with un-present notions! 
Pilchard: Sorry.
Helsa: Also, what kind of shelves and cases for goods would be in a crematorium?
Pilchard: --
Dungeon Master: Stop! I see a mouth opening to answer forbiddenly!
Pilchard: Sorry again. I'll close it.
Bingly: Hmm. Kind of sad the Plume mages aren't here to say such things.
Dungeon Master: Why?
Bingly: Because the answer for Helsa's question is, "Urns." And if Penny Plume got rescued from being charcoaled in a crematorium, we could say, "A Penny saved is not a Penny urned!"
Pilchard: Boo!
Grolka: Also boo.
Dungeon Master: So many assumptions of faulty quality! First, if Plume mages were there, possibly the dungeon master would have answered Penny's question with, "Yes, very like a bakery!" Second, even if the place is crematory in nature, how would it peril a mage after so long with no fire in it? And third is worst of all!
Bingly: Third?
Dungeon Master: That a dungeon master will not give you negative experience points for such painful punning! Very assumptive!
Plummet: (I thought it was pretty funny...)
Bingly: Thank you, Plummet! You said that so urnestly.
Dungeon Master: Hmmm ... actually funnier that time, but it's still minus 10 experience points for brazenness of defying dungeon masterly threats.
Bingly: Yeah, I had it coming, I guess.
Helsa: If puns are over, I go to investigate the oven and discover its variety. Normal cooking? Bakery? Corpse cindering?
Dungeon Master: Roll for Investigating the oven.
Helsa: 22. We're rolling with skill suddenly.
Dungeon Master: With this roll, you can tell it's a baking oven just at a look -- no need to even open it.
Helsa: Even so, I think I'll open it. Maybe a long-ago baker hid treasure in it.
Dungeon Master: Roll initiative!
Helsa: What?
Dungeon Master: Instantly when the door of oven opens, out leaps this being!



Plummet: Ooh, more pictures!
Dungeon Master: Its flesh is the color of toasty and crust-like. If not for its attackery, it might look appetizing, perhaps. 
Helsa: My initiative: 14.
Rouge: Mine also!
Bingly: I roll 16.
Dungeon Master: The bread golem is slow, apparently. Bingly goes first.
Bingly: Bread golem! Is this monster existent? Well, I attempt a spell of Color Spray. It must Constitution save or have blindness for a turn.
Dungeon Master: It very easily makes such a save.
Bingly: Oh. Then with any movement remnants I have, I retreat.
Dungeon Master: Helsa or Rouge can go next.
Rouge: You first, and possibly I can use Sneak Attack if you're close.
Helsa: I attempt the slicing of this bread golem with my shortsword. Oh, very poor. It's only a 9.
Dungeon Master: You are fortunate! Bread is not so hard for slicing, so you hit!
Helsa: My excitement at this is momentary, because for damage I roll only 2 points.
Rouge: I also slice at it, but sneakily! 13! Because my ally is near, there's an extra die of damage, so a total of 8.
Dungeon Master: It attacks you with a bready limb! Slam! Slam! Both slams hit ... 11 points is the damage.
Rouge: So much damage!
Bingly: I will step up and attack with my staff. 17 for hitting and 4 for damaging.
Dungeon Master: Your damage seems less because of its soft but springy flesh. Helsa?
Helsa: I use a Bonus Action to cast my Hunter's Mark spell, which after reading it I now realize I should have done before. Next, I attack it. Sadly, that roll is 8.
Dungeon Master: Failure!
Rouge: A thieveling tiefling does not miss, though -- 21 total for hitting, 7 total for damaging. Then I Bonus Act to Disengage and move far away!
Dungeon Master: The golem applies its crusty slams to Helsa, then. Only one hits, for 3 damage.
Bingly: I now attack with a dagger instead of staffing it. My dagger stab is for 4 points after rolling a 9 to hit.
Dungeon Master: It seems more damaged than from your staff.
Helsa: My new attack roll is not new, but another 8.
Rouge: I drop my sword to arrow the golem more distantly. My hit roll is a success, and damage is 8.
Dungeon Master: More breadly slams at Helsa! Again, only one hits, and for only 2 damage.
Rouge: Where were these poor rolls when I was getting golemed?
Bingly: I continue daggering. 9 to hit and -- bleh. 1 damage.
Helsa: Slice! Ah. Well, at least it's not an 8 again.
Dungeon Master: So you hit?
Helsa: No, this time it's 6.
Rouge: Boo! Another arrow from me. 9, so barely I hit it! Aha! 12 damage points.
Bingly: Wow. Our rogue is so damaging!
Dungeon Master: The golem strikes! This time, it pummels Helsa thoroughly for 11 points of damage!
Helsa: Pain.
Bingly: Don't worry, Helsa, a mage is here to dagger it for you. Nope, that misses.
Helsa: To avoid dying, I use a Cure Wounds spell on my breaded and bruised body. 9 points regained.
Rouge: I'm back to hitting with a 14, and the damage is 8!
Dungeon Master: The golem continues with no relenting! Again, two hits upon Helsa! Remove those 9 points you cured.
Bingly: This golem seems very tough.
Dungeon Master: Possibly I created it without imagining a party so quickly splitting in two.
Grolka: I wondered about how wise that was.
Bingly: Well, I dagger it with a roll of 16 for damage of 3 points.
Helsa: Again, I cure my wounds. 10 points.
Rouge: Arrow! Hit! Damage is 7!
Dungeon Master: The golem repeats its strategy. Only 7 points of slamming on the ranger this time, though.
Helsa: 7 points is still significant! I have only 4 left and no more curing.
Bingly: Yikes! Let's hurry and kill it! Unfortunately, I do not help this turn. My roll is 4.
Helsa: Back to attacking, since spells are gone. Finally, I hit! My damage equals 7.
Rouge: I arrow it for 8.
Dungeon Master: Slam! A hit! Slam! A miss. Damage ... 4 points.
Helsa: I slump groundward.
Rouge: Oh no!
Bingly: I urge our hermitly ranger not to die, then I dagger the creature for 3 points.
Dungeon Master: It remains upright.
Rouge: I shoot it! 9 points!
Dungeon Master: It crumbles into a pile of slices and crust.
Plummet: Yay!
Helsa: I roll a Death Saving Throw and succeed.
Bingly: I attempt to Medicine our ranger into stability. I'll use my Lucky feat for a better chance. Success!
Rouge: Whew!
Helsa: I agree.
Dungeon Master: 500 experience points to each golem-killer!
Pilchard: Wow, now I wish we did not split up.
Helsa: I wished that several times during the fight.
Dungeon Master: Well, the clock says it is late, so I think we can now end this session. A bonus of 100 more experience points for all characters!
Pilchard: Excellent. Now I have achieved level 3.
Plummet: Ooh, I'm so close!
Grolka: Same.
Dungeon Master: I am guiltified at providing insufficient experience for all characters to improve. Will 25 more points succeed for you two?
Plummet: Yes! Can I have them?
Grolka: For me also.
Dungeon Master: It's a loan of 25 experience from the Bank of Dungeon Mastery. The next experience gained will be 25 less to repay it.
Plummet: Thank you!
Grolka: Yes, thanks.
Dungeon Master: Good, then! Everyone becomes third level for next time!

Fourth Dungeon! A Disaster of Journeying!

Dungeon Master: Players, we now must leave the town of Naplyville.

Pilchard: Already?

Plummet: Wait! I didn't commit any shopping of clothes or laundrying!

Dungeon Master: Don't worry, it's accomplished. Just mark appropriate funds as spent on the sheet of your character. All characters should expend funds, in fact for any supplies you wish on the quest to Braddlebrick Bay. Then it's journeyful time! Three sessions of carts and towns is enough. More would be a failure of epic!

Helsa: Clarify, please! Do you mean a failure that is epical in scale? Or a failure to produce adventures properly epic?

Dungeon Master: The second. Much longer in Naplyville and the game must change from Dungeoning and Dragoning to Towning and Taverning.

Pilchard: Hmm. Rations are 5 pieces of silver for 2 pounds, says the list of equippage. Also, it says to see the Rules Glossary for "malnutrition." Let's flip there. Okay, one pound of food per day, or we'll be malnutritioning into exhausted after five days. There's more complexity than that, but basically, it's important to eat.

Plummet: It sure is! This game has more realism than expected.

Grolka: An orc of the barbaric sort probably needs additional food, I think.

Helsa: A hermitly ranger should be able to fast more extensively, I opine.

Pilchard: There are saves of Constitution if you'd like to try it. My preference is to buy enough food. It's 10 pounds of rations for 25 silvers, so I'm buying that.

Plummet: Tasty bacon was only one copper piece each slice, though! I wonder if a large bag of bacon would be superior to rations.

Grolka: Seems like you should check the scores of Intelligence and Wisdom on your sheet before carrying enormous supplies of spoilable bacon in place of rations.

Plummet: Um, I think my character's scores are superior to my real scores, since I don't know that.

Rouge: Let's perspect this differently, then. When we have bacon for real breakfast, how much overage is left for additional meals?

Plummet: Bacon is so delicious! There's never any left. So?

Rouge: So my prediction is, a bag full of bacon would be eaten with speed. Then our mage complains of aching tummy and has no food for the trip's majority.

Plummet: I guess that does sound right. More realism appears! I will buy rations.

Dungeon Master: Everyone mark them on sheets, then the travels begin.

Pilchard: Done.

Plummet: Me too! And there was clothes buying. Also laundrying.

Grolka: Marked.

Helsa: Similarly.
Rouge: Ready for some road hitting!

Bingly: Hopefully, not in a cart full of turnip smell.

Dungeon Master: No. A caravan for trading has been in town and departs for eastward as you are ready to leave.

Pilchard: Must we pay to join it?

Dungeon Master: When they learn of your adventuresome profession, they let you ride without charge -- if you promise defending the caravan in case of burglarous attacks, or those of monstrosities.

Pilchard: Seems fair.

Grolka: Bring the bandits! Also, I will mangle the monstrosities.

Helsa: I express agreement as well, but with less confidence. My memory of nearly expiring from needlesome blights ... still vivid!

Dungeon Master: Very well, then travel begins. Your wagon driver is a young woman called Milvicent Ox-Reiner. She is talkative in extreme, if anyone sits with her upon the front bench.

Rouge: Is she attractive, as well as talkative?

Dungeon Master: 12 out of 18, according to my dice.

Rouge: Seems unexciting compared to the blond barfer of Naplyville. I pass.

Bingly: Is she interested in octopuses? If so, I will show her mine and converse on with a great extent.

Dungeon Master: Her response ... not very enthusiastic. Possibly some "ewww" or "put that away" remarks.

Plummet: "That's what she said!" Haha!

Grolka: Ahem.

Bingly: I can discuss merchantry with her instead, then, since that profession is my background.

Dungeon Master: Her interest is mildly greater. Now ... the die of random encounters for today! Is there one? Yes! It's a 6!

Plummet: Great, so we're already expected to work with defense of the wagons?

Dungeon Master: No, because the randomized encounter is ... a roc!

Plummet: A rock? Aren't we seeing a lot of those whether the die says 6 or not?

Helsa: I believe it a roc of the sort with no "k."

Bingly: Hmm. If "crab with a k" is fake crab, then a rock with no k is a real rock?

Dungeon Master: It is the fabulous kind of roc.

Helsa: Meaning "from a fable," before anyone can lead us farther astray into wordplay.

Dungeon Master: Correct! 50 experience points!

Helsa: Thank you.

Dungeon Master: SWOOP!!! On the driving bench, Bingly sees a moment of enormous and feathery shadow! Then: everyone aboard the wagon feels the lurching of titanic strength -- the whole wagon is torn from earth and yanked talon-wise into the sky!

Pilchard: This doesn't sound super-great.

Plummet: For me, it's very exciting! Remember, I excel at spelling with Feather Fall.

Rouge: I feel familiarity here. Did I see this in an anime of recent?

Dungeon Master: Yes! 20 experience points for recognizing my Dungeon Masterly thievingness.

Plummet: I don't think we can solve it equally to the anime, though. My Feather Falling won't assist a wagon to the ground.

Bingly: How speedily are we rising?

Dungeon Master: Very! Each round, 120 feet!

Plummet: Uh-oh. It's also true my spell won't help in a fall too excessive.

Grolka: More important: is our party too excessive for the spell? Six characters must fall featherly, or someone will splat.

Helsa: Seven, if we count our driver.
Plummet: Well ... the book says it works for five.

Rouge: We are screwed -- and in a manner I do not like my screwing to happen!

Bingly: You can cast more than one though, can't you?

Plummet: Um, maybe? I have several slots for spelling.

Pilchard: Look: duration, 1 minute. There's no mention of Concentrate. Five could jump out, you cast a spell, then repeat for the two last ones.

Plummet: I guess it's workable.

Grolka: Only with hastiness! Dungeon Master, how long have we already expended for planning?

Dungeon Master: Look -- a timer on my phone. Excellent preparation, yes? I feel my Dungeon Mastery leveling up. 

Pilchard: That says it's already a minute wasted talking?

Dungeon Master: Yes. 10 rounds, 1200 feet.

Plummet: Oh. Way more than my spell will assist with.

Grolka: During a fall, can you cast again?

Dungeon Master: Challenging! It will need a roll to avoid fall-fearing interfering with Feather Falling.

Plummet: Plus, targets must be 60 feet or closer to me.

Helsa: There appears to be hazard aplenty in such a plan, if farther than 600 feet from the ground.

Bingly: By the way, is there access from wagon bench to inside the wagon? I feel exposed to the gaze of a possibly hungry roc.

Dungeon Master: Don't worry. It has beaked one of your oxen and occasionally takes bites from the dangling carcass. Seems not to be paying attention to you. But yes, there is only a curtain or flap between wagon bench and wagon interior.

Bingly: I proceed through this flap. The driver is invited too.

Dungeon Master: The driver proceeded already, as soon as seeing the roc. That's one way you know the flap is there.

Bingly: Seems like this narration would have helped me act more quickly.

Dungeon Master: Sorry. Minus 20 Dungeon Master experience points.

Pilchard: We should plan for escaping this roc. Is it still speeding us upward?

Dungeon Master: No one is outside any more to observe.

Pilchard: I look outside through the flap.

Dungeon Master: The path of the roc appears level now. In the distance ahead you see a region very mountainous and rocky.

Helsa: To be clear, this is rocky territory with a k, not roc-y territory full of rocs?

Dungeon Master: The first. Only one roc visible at present.

Pilchard: I think we must wait for our roc to near the ground by less than 600 feet, then have five jumpers exit and get spelled, then all remainers exit with my sibling and get spelled as well.

Plummet: What if this happens only after arriving in mountains? It's not so good if we land but only atop an unclimbable peak -- especially a snowy one! Brrr!

Helsa: Hopefully let's not jump toward a peak.

Bingly: How snowy are the peaks, Pilchard? Do you see?

Dungeon Master: The scribely mage sees some nearer ones not so snowy, mostly rock. Farther there are peaks very snowy and glaciered.

Pilchard: I repeat this to the wagon crew.

Plummet: Look for soft and flat and level ones!

Grolka: That would be ground, not mountains.

Helsa: Could be a plateau, though.

Dungeon Master: Fortune! My dice say there is a plateau. You will be over it soon.

Plummet: Yay! I prepare my spellings.

Grolka: Wait. How far above this plateau do we appear?

Dungeon Master: Someone roll 2d6. It's that many hundreds of feet.

Pilchard: I'm very poor at dicing in these situations.

Plummet: I'm scared to.

Grolka: When playing a barbaric orc, I must show bravery as well. My dice say ... 7.

Rouge: Ox-plop!

Bingly: How much damage is 100 feet of falling?

Dungeon Master: 10 dice of the 6-sided sort.

Plummet: I'm poor at math, but probably we would all die, right?

Grolka: Eh ... might be as little as 10 points, depending on rolls. But yes, probably.

Bingly: Let's consider a new plan. All characters jump holding hands. After some falling, Plummet spells at five of us. After some more falling, at the remainder.

Dungeon Master: This seems safer than casting during falling at other fallers. I'll permit it without saving rolls.

Pilchard: Anyone good with Nature? Possibly we should peer at this approaching plateau to see if it's the kind where hazardous beasts dwell.

Grolka: Specifically, beasts more hazardous than a roc.

Helsa: Although both rangerish and hermitish, I have unexceptional intelligence. My skill total is only 3.

Bingly: Really? Mine is five without either rangerness or hermitness.

Pilchard: Mine is six, and already I'm at the flap, so I guess I will look. 

Dungeon Master: First, a roll of Perceiving!

Pilchard: Oh. That total is 4.

Dungeon Master: So hazy and blurry, this plateau. You can't spy its nature.

Pilchard: Someone else want to look out the flap?

Helsa: I try, but Perceive with a 5.

Rouge: Does this game have spectacles? We need some.

Bingly: How about 15?

Dungeon Master: You view the plateau with reasonable quality of vision. Roll Nature.

Bingly: Aha! 24 in all.

Dungeon Master: I'll say five percent chance of things worse than rocs on this plateau. The dice of percentages show 64, so whatever is there improves upon rocs. More rolling ... you think the worst of them might be manticores.

Plummet: Oh! We've killed those before.

Grolka: In a different game.

Helsa: And with many sessions more of experience than in this game.

Bingly: I tell the others, "Nothing to worry about!" My logic is, if we have the luck to find a plateau and the luck to survive the fall, probably our luck won't produce manticores anyway.

Dungeon Master: Then if this is your plan, you should try it soon. Already, the plateau is under you, and not for tremendously prolonged.

Pilchard: I ensure my pack and belongings are secure!

Plummet: The same!

Grolka: Yes.

Helsa: I ask the driver, "Are there goods for eating in this wagon?" If it's a yes, we should take some, since who knows how long we'll need to trek across a plateau.

Dungeon Master: She says no, only lumber and lumbering tools.

Helsa: Then I prepare my pack as well.

Rouge: The same for me.

Bingly: And me. Are we ready?

Plummet: Yep! Let's go! And I don't need to roll anything?

Dungeon Master: Correct. But you do need to determine, who is the first group and who is the second?

Pilchard: I will stay with my sibling.

Plummet: Oh! Such a loyal brother!

Pilchard: Yes ... but also, if there's calculation mistake and the first spell happens above 600 feet, I want to be with the person who can cast multiple Feather Fallings.

Plummet: Well ... at least it's an honest brother.

Grolka: If the groups land apart, it's wise to have a strong battler in each. I can go with the Plume mages, unless our hermitly ranger desires to.

Helsa: It's also wise to have a healer in each, of which I am one. Do others have wound curing spells?
Plummet: Yes! From my Magic Initiating as a sage.

Grolka: Seems like that's a good division then.

Bingly: Ranger, thieving tiefling, and merchantly mage, plus driver first, followed by Plume mages and an orc?

Dungeon Master: Good. Are you jumping now?

Plummet: Wait! First I try recalling, how long does it take to fall 100 feet?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. There's no "Science" roll, but "Survival" says. "Avoid natural hazards." Roll that one, and it's a difficulty of major, because in times of dungeoning and dragoning, how much falling from 100 feet is there?

Pilchard: Not much, I think, except for mages who fall from flying or need to use Feather Falling, right? So could Arcana be used also?

Dungeon Master: You are exceptional with this logic! 40 experience points! Penny, you may roll Arcana instead if it's your preferable.

Plummet: Definitely! My total is 20!

Dungeon Master: You know, then. However, a low-level Dungeon Master confesses ignorance.

Pilchard: Gravity accelerates by 32 feet of speed each second, so 16 feet of falling in one second, 48 feet in the second second, 80 feet in the third second. So somewhere less than three seconds.

Plummet: Yikes! So speedy! After jumping, then, I count to three seconds before spelling at group 1.

Helsa: See you on the ground!

Bingly: Smart math by Pilchard.

Pilchard: Actually rusty physics knowledge by Pilchard's player. Some googling confirmed it, though. 

Rouge: Confirmed by google! It's a win, I think.

Pilchard: Ehhh, maybe not.

Plummet: Uh-oh. What is that look?

Pilchard: Feather Fall is spelled using a Reaction. But once your Reaction has finished, it's another round before you can Reaction again. So 3 seconds of counting plus one round equals 9 seconds before the next Reactioning, and google says that's over 1300 feet of falling.

Plummet: What!

Grolka: So we're dead?

Dungeon Master: Aha! It's 100 experience points for Pilchard being so honest -- BUT negative 100 for expressing poorer knowledge of rules than a low-experience Dungeon Master! A character can Reaction at any time in the round. Reactioning at 3 seconds of the first round means there are only 3 seconds until the second round begins, and a new Reaction is earned. So, it's only 6 seconds total of falling before the second spell is available.

Pilchard: So much embarrassment for missing that.

Grolka: How long have you been Dungeoning and Dragoning again?

Bingly: Longer than all the rest of us put together!

Dungeon Master: 1000 Dungeon Master experience points for this triumph of rule-knowing! My skill advances!

Plummet: Then we're not dead? That's more important to me than rule-dueling right now.

Dungeon Master: No deaths. Group 2 lands much sooner than group 1, because of group 1 reducing to 60 feet each round after only 100 feet. It's one minute for them to fall the rest of the way, but only 2 or 3 rounds for group 2 in all.

Pilchard: I guess we will just await their arriving.

Dungeon Master: OR! It is possible some monster observes your falling approach and meets you upon landing!

Plummet: I hope our luck isn't so deficient!

Grolka: I, also.

Dungeon Master: Five percent chance. The dice of percentaging read ... Hmm!

Pilchard: Seriously?

Plummet: OMG.

Helsa: I'm unable to see the dice from here -- Perception failure for me.

Rouge: 05 exactly.

Helsa: Seems like elusively low odds of happening!

Pilchard: One chance in 100. So ... what monster assaults us?

Plummet: Not a manticore, I hope!

Dungeon Master: My rolls say ... Goat!

Pilchard: Whew, not so bad, then.

Dungeon Master: Of the Giant kind! Now, a roll of even means one goat, odd means a pack.

Helsa: Terminologically, a herd.

Dungeon Master: Helsa is correct! 20 experience points, and it is a herd of Giant Goats.

Plummet: Wait, you didn't roll odd or even, though.

Dungeon Master: No need to roll when Helsa determined it.

Helsa: I detect subtle innuendo of "Helsa should stop correcting the Dungeon Master's terms."

Dungeon Master: No, I rewarded you with experience points! Possibly though you could pass a note instead of correcting interruptively.

Helsa: Apologies of the abject kind.

Dungeon Master: Haha, no, it's all joking!

Plummet: So there's not a herd?

Dungeon Master: There is a herd, because it's more amusing than if there's not, right?

Grolka: My opinion depends on whether we die from goat trampling.

Dungeon Master: Let's see, then. Roll initiative, group 2!

Pilchard: 15.

Plummet: 4.

Grolka: 19.

Dungeon Master: Goats initiate with 10. There are 3 goats in all. It's a small herd. Their distance from you is 45 feet.

Grolka: I prepare my battleaxe to attack any goat that comes aggressively near.

Pilchard: I cast Mage Armor upon myself. Also, I stand with the barbaric orc between me and the herd.

Dungeon Master: The goats are wary. They eye you with suspicion, but do nothing else. Penny?

Plummet: Ooh, I have an idea! How close are any of them to each other?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. Here is a die of the 8-sided sort. On 1-5, none are so close. 6 or 7, two are nearby one another. 8 means all 3 are cozy in spacing. The roll is 7.

Plummet: I cast Sleep on the two close by each other, then! They must Wisdom save with difficulty of 13 or have Incapacity for one round.

Dungeon Master: Let's see how wise goats are ... the book says, better than average! They roll ... 20 and 12. So, one has Incapacity. Barbarian?

Grolka: Still, I await any attack. 

Pilchard: I prepare to spell any charging goats with Witch Bolt.

Dungeon Master: The goats notice their herd-mate's appearance of lethargic. One nudges it in concern.

Plummet: Poop. I think that means the spell is interrupted. I will prepare to Sleep them again if they seem to attack.

Grolka: New round? Same as last round for me.

Pilchard: Identical.

Dungeon Master: Goats remain suspicious. I will roll a die. On 1, they calm and wander away. On 5, they spook and run. On 6, they startle and charge to attack! The roll is ... 1.

Pilchard: Whew!

Plummet: I'm relieved.

Grolka: It's fine, but a giant goat feast might have pleased a barbaric orc's appetite.

Dungeon Master: 50 experience points each for this goat encounter! A few rounds later, the members of group 2 float groundward.

Grolka: Greetings, slow companions. We have chased dangerous goats away for you, no thanks required.

Helsa: While falling for one minute, could I discern the features of our plateau?

Dungeon Master: Hmm. You were imperceptive before in the wagon ...

Helsa: Yes, but falling hundreds of feet could perhaps clarify my motive for focusing.

Dungeon Master: Make a roll of Perception, then.

Helsa: Ah! 17 this time. What are my observances?

Rouge: Goats. Didn't you hear?

Dungeon Master: To the east, a river, flowing north to south. You think maybe downstream of you there were signs of a village, or ruins. Farther beyond that, woods, and then the edge of the plateau. To the west, dry, barren flatness until the western cliffs. North are mountains; that's established. South looks swampy where the river flows back and forth in southern fashion, becoming canyonish after that. The canyon cuts into the south cliffs.

Pilchard: How far do we think our caravan might be?

Bingly: I'm guessing, far.

Dungeon Master: Yes. Around the table, it's not been so much time. But while flying in the clutches of a roc, maybe an hour or two passed. It's thinkable that 30 or 40 or even more miles were crossed.

Plummet: At least maybe we're closer to Braddlebrick Bay?

Dungeon Master: Someone can Survival roll to determine it.

Helsa: My skill is 4, but only 11 in total after my roll.

Grolka: Worse for a barbarian.

Plummet: Yikes! Those are our most naturely companions!

Bingly: As a merchant, I traveled by many wagons, so probably I have confidence in wagon-navigating.

Pilchard: Flying wagons?

Bingly: No, but how much different could there be? I roll a 12, but it's a 10 after my poor Wisdom addition.

Dungeon Master: Anyone else desire to try?

Pilchard: Yes, but by asking our driver. "This plateau," I ask her, "have you caravanned nearby it before?"

Plummet: Ooh, you are so smart!

Dungeon Master: Milvicent Ox-Reiner says, "Maybe? I have seen something like it far to the north when driving from Naplyville to Braddlebrick Bay. Possibly a day of eastwarding before it becomes visible, then two days before it is no longer in sight. To the east of it, the road goes a bit north before turning Braddlebrick Bay-ward."

Bingly: So, if we go east and can find a way down, we might even out-trek our train of wagons.

Dungeon Master: Some possibility ... but you will need to cross the river.

Pilchard: Shouldn't be too difficult to do so at a village.

Plummet: We should head there!

Helsa: The difficulty would increase if it's ruins, not a village.

Rouge: Ruins might have a bridge. Also, they might have treasure ...

Plummet: I am sagely interested in the ruins. They could have history!

Grolka: Sounds like we're going.

Dungeon Master: Someone must wilderness navigate for the group. Choose your leadership through this terrain!

Pilchard: My nomination is Helsa. She out-Survivals the rest of us in skill.

Plummet: I agree with my sibling. But I don't want to hurt the feelings of an orc! It's no insult, Grolka.

Grolka: Orcish feelings are not so weakly or bruise-able, especially not barbaric orc feelings.

Helsa: Well, if my navigation guides us ... the total is 11.

Dungeon Master: Not too bad. It's an easy task on a flat plateau, and the river is un-missable if you head east. Four hours of travel, and you are there.

Plummet: So is it ruins, or a village?

Dungeon Master: Ruins of a village. First, you begin to see road remainders here and there through the dry grass. Stones for a flat road, only broken and tilted or mostly buried. Looks like no one has traveled this way in many years. Eventually, the road reaches a bridge. It's stone too, but some parts have a more sturdy look than others. In places it might be crumbly. Across it is a village of many stone buildings and houses, but mostly even worse in condition than the bridge. However, at the town center there is a tall tower -- very intact! Creepily, though, it is made of black stone.

Pilchard: We're here just for the bridge, right? No need to detour with a creepy black tower.

Plummet: What? I thought my brother had great curiosity and interest in things of magic!

Pilchard: Greater curiosity about the kinds the Dungeon Master is not calling "creepy."

Bingly: My thought is, what a cool-looking building! We should investigate.

Grolka: Fine by me. Two mages are in favor of checking it, so a barbaric orc won't be too frightened.

Rouge: But one of the two is our unwise one! Seems to me like a FAFO tower.

Plummet: Also, I did not say I was in favor -- only surprised my magic-fascinated sibling was not.

Bingly: We're right here! Why else are we adventuring if we are not adventuresome? My plan is still to have a look. There could be cool things in there. Also treasure!

Rouge: Treasure? This has a ring my ear likes more. I will follow our unwise mage ... at a safe distance, however.

Dungeon Master: Don't be so abrupt! Still you must cross the bridge before arriving at the town, and then pass through streets of ruined before reaching the tower.

Pilchard: Now I suspect danger of the bridge even more.

Plummet: Also the ruins of buildings.

Helsa: Possibly the Dungeon Master is trying to increase tension now to make us feel more secure when reaching the tower.

Pilchard: That's a Dungeon Masterly trick, it's true.

Dungeon Master: Remember my thousand experience points from earlier in the session! A leveled-up Dungeon Master is not so easy for your predictions.

Grolka: Is all this talking done? I approach the bridge.

Helsa: I as well.
Dungeon Master: So old it looks, worn down by time. The design appears simple, perhaps making it more likely to last than a fancier bridge.

Helsa: What damages are visible? I step to one side and another looking for infirm supports or other clues of warning.

Dungeon Master: Roll for Investigation.

Helsa: Unusually, I roll a 17. Plus 1 is 18.

Dungeon Master: Here near the river's bank, things look okay. Farther out, approaching middle-ish, some cracks and the right-hand railing is partly a collapse. Just past the middle, the whole railing and large chunks of bridge have fallen long ago. Cracks from this hole go outward across the bridge surface. Looks pretty scary if you don't stay all the way on the left there.

Helsa: I point out to my party these bridge deficiencies.

Rouge: I guess let's cross on the leftward part. Normally a fearsome barbaric orc would be good to lead the way, but on a crumbly bridge, maybe someone lighter should go first, and the heavy orc should go last?

Pilchard: A tiefling is lighter than an orc, correct?

Rouge: Probably. I thought even lighter than that, though, like a wispy elf of the woods. It's safest for everyone that way, I'm certain.

Helsa: I accept. A ranger is often best for scouting chores anyway. Also, I have a whip for a weapon. If bridge stone collapses beneath me, I might be able to whip hold of the railing before falling too far.

Rouge: How smart!

Helsa: Thank you.

Rouge: I meant, how smart of me to suggest this order.

Bingly: Wait, though!

Grolka: Why? I am growing impatient in a barbaric fashion when we could just be walking across the bridge.

Bingly: Things could be wrong under the bridge, though. Or, monstrosities in the water!

Pilchard: Sure. But what solution is there?

Bingly: Can't you see the obvious one? A wise mage chose as his familiar the octopus! Not so good at scoutery on top of a bridge as a hermitish ranger, but much better, scout-wise, in the water beneath it.

Helsa: Since I will walk on the bridge first, I approve this advance look by a watery familiar. Unleash your octopus please!

Bingly: I can do this from 30 feet distant to the river, so I do. Splash! An eight-armed familiar appears in the river and swims scoutingly around.

Dungeon Master: Roll the Perception of your octopus.

Bingly: It's 4. What poor scouting! Telepathically, I tell my octopus I know it can do better.

Dungeon Master: I roll a die for some reason. The total is 15! Something bites your octopus.

Bingly: What!

Dungeon Master: The damage is 14 hit points.

Pilchard: Seems like more damage than just a large fish.

Bingly: So much damage! My poor octopus!

Dungeon Master: Is it dead?

Bingly: Well, it is truthfully a spirit, not an octopus in reality. So "dead" may be inaccurate. But definitely chomped into pieces. It disappears, and I am mournful. I tell my companions sadly.

Plummet: It's okay, isn't it? Another one is summonable, right?

Bingly: Yes, but it requires a whole hour.

Rouge: Much more important is that 14 hit points is not just more than the hit points of a many-armed mollusk -- it is also more than the hit points of a low-hit-die-rolling tiefling! I am fearful of this kind of bite!

Plummet: It's also more than the hit points of a sagely mage. But it's not our plan to enter the water like an octopus, is it?

Rouge: Some things that are in the water can also come out of the water. Next time have your familiar perceive better before it is devoured, so that we will know what has eaten it.

Bingly: Please don't disparage my sacrificed familiar. His death was for our safety.

Dungeon Master: So, what plan do you have now for the bridge?

Pilchard: I am examining my spell list.

Grolka: Seems like only three of our party can bear the bite of this under-the-bridge octopus-eater.

Helsa: Only one such bite for me -- a second will be perishing.

Bingly: Same here.

Pilchard: I am also in the dead-from-two-bites category. 

Grolka: Three-ish for me. Barbaric orcs are tougher than mages, elves, and tieflings, it's clear.

Helsa: However ... all such calculations assume 14 hit points was near the top of the biter's damage, such as two dice of eight sides, or one die of ten plus four. What if this damage was only average or low for a river monstrosity -- such as four dice of six sides, or even ten dice of four sides?
Rouge: Our Dungeon Master is too friendly to send this sort of monstrosity against her yams, isn't she?

Bingly: It's true, I think. But there is also her still-new-to-Dungeon-Mastering quality. Are all her monster choices an even match for a party of characters only two levels in experience?

Pilchard: She did attack us with a roc ...

Grolka: Pff. It's obvious she did not mean us to fight the roc.

Helsa: I agree -- it was a contrivance for plot-advancing. I describe this as evidence of skillful, not critique.

Dungeon Master: Thank you for not being among these doubters, Helsa! Everyone, look! Here on page 115 of the Guide to Dungeon Mastery -- it's a very easy table, even for low-experience Dungeon Masters like the present one. I promise I mathed it very carefully.

Plummet: Your math is so superior to mine, Dungeon Master. I am relieved we might survive this fight.

Grolka: It will still require dice rolls of reasonable success.

Rouge: Mine last session were unreasonably many in unsuccesses.

Bingly: The need for nice dicing might be less with an approach of strategy.

Pilchard: I can Witch Bolt with 60 feet of range, if this river monster becomes visible.

Grolka: Anyone have a fishhook of very large size?

Plummet: Ooh! No, but I can Silent Image a tasty-looking creature onto the bridge near that hole in the middle. Is it 60 feet near? If the octo-chomping monster chomps at my image, Pilchard can Witch Bolt at it in return!

Grolka: I can fire arrows barbarically.

Helsa: Likewise, but rangerly.
Rouge: My options are greater -- I can arrow it roguishly or Fire Bolt it tieflingly.

Bingly: Hmm. Eyeing my spell list unsatisfies me. Nothing to damage from far away! I guess it's a sling for me.

Dungeon Master: Do you enact this plan?

Plummet: Yes! When all preparations are complete, I cast at the bridge near the hole. The Silent Image is ... a large but not too large octopus, since we know it likes to bite those.

Grolka: Would an octopus be on a bridge?

Bingly: Yes! They are versatile creatures! But probably it wouldn't stay there very long.

Dungeon Master: I will roll to see if something perceives your imaginary octopus on the bridge. First round ... no, a very poor roll. Second round, though ... natural 20! A long, skinny neck holding a head with a toothful mouth lifts up from the river water!

Pilchard: Can I recognize it with Nature knowledge?

Dungeon Master: Possibly. All who want to identify the necky creature may roll Nature.

Pilchard: 22!

Plummet: 20! Plume mages are great identifiers!

Grolka: 17 for an orc.

Helsa: My rangerness is dubious. I roll a total of 10.
Rouge: No identifying for me! Only Fire Bolting!

Bingly: Woefully, I roll 8.

Dungeon Master: Pilchard, Plummet, and Grolka all determined this necky thing with a mouth of sharp teeth is a Plesiosaurus. Roll your initiatives.

Plummet: It's a what?

Rouge: I heard "please yo sore ass."

Bingly: Probably an error.

Dungeon Master: Plesiosaurus -- the book calls it a large beast dinosaur.

Pilchard: Not quite a dinosaur in reality.

Grolka: Is this reality? I think instead of arguing such specifics, we should be initiating as the Dungeon Master requested. Mine is 21.

Helsa: Mine ... 6. 
Rouge: 14.

Bingly: 9.

Pilchard: 2 for me. Possibly karma for my nit-pickery of taxonomic categories.

Plummet: 4 is my roll. Boo.

Dungeon Master: The Plesiosaurus is a 7. Grolka, you may arrow at it.

Grolka: Only a 12. 

Dungeon Master: Nearly, you hit it, but instead your arrow flies past into the water. Rouge?

Rouge: My bolt of fire is inferior to Grolka's arrow. Bingly, you may go.

Bingly: Bingly the Slingly fires at the creature. Rock to the neck! No, it's only an 11.

Dungeon Master: It is the turn of the Plesiosaurus! To the bridge, it swims, and chomps viciously toward the imaged octopus! 20 is the roll! The teeth snap on empty octopus-appearing air. It becomes confused and angry! Helsa, the turn is yours.

Helsa: My bow twangs with a 21 total. The damage is 5 if that hits.

Dungeon Master: It does. Next is Plummet.

Plummet: I attempt a Starry Wisp cantrip at it. 22! But the damage is only 2.

Rouge: Lots of 2's there.

Dungeon Master: The Plesiosaurus is wisped but still appears very healthy. Pilchard, do you still use your Witch Bolt?

Pilchard: I do, but I miss terribly. However, even missing I can damage it with my witchery each turn I concentrate after this one.

Grolka: If it decides not to flee or submerge itself. I believe it is my turn, and I move closer to the river bank, possibly tempting it since the octopus image will no longer do so. My arrow attack is 20 ... for damage of 3.

Helsa: So far our damage is less than one bite from the Plesiosaurus.
Rouge: Sad face emoticon. Now, Fire Bolt! This time, a 14. Does that hit?

Dungeon Master: Yes. It is bolted. How much damage?

Rouge: Maximum! 10 points.

Bingly: Sling attack! This time, a hit! Sling damage, though, is sad. Only a 4-sided die. But I do get a 4!

Dungeon Master: 24 points to the Plesiosaurus so far. It is angered! Seeing Grolka, it swims and stretches its long neck for biting! The total is only 10, though, much less than an orc's armor class, I remember from previous battling. Helsa?

Helsa: More archery! Again, a hit. 6 points this time. Plummet is next, I think.

Plummet: Again with Wisping of the Starry sort! 14 hits, yes? Damage a little better this time, 4. Your turn, sibling!

Pilchard: No to-hit roll this time, just a 12-sided die of damage from my concentrated Witch Bolt! Bleh. 3, even less than my sister's 8-sided damage.

Grolka: My next arrow misses.

Rouge: My Fire Bolt does not -- 3 points.

Bingly: For my turn, a slung stone from a sling goes "ploop!" into the water.

Dungeon Master: Another chomp at the orc -- this time a hit! 11 points of damage.

Grolka: I bear the pain with a grunt of orcishness.

Helsa: Almost a natural 20 on my die, but it tips over to 8 instead.
Rouge: Sad face emoticon. But does that hit with your bonus?

Helsa: No, my ability scores are hermitly humble.

Dungeon Master: On to the Plume mages.

Plummet: A Wispy hit! This time, 8 points of damage!

Pilchard: 10 points of witchy lightning on my turn. We're improving, sister.

Grolka: I arrow the not-quite-a-dinosaur with a roll of 15 and maximum damage of 8.

Rouge: My Fire Bolt misses with a roll of 8.

Bingly: Again, "ploop!"

Dungeon Master: So much damage in one round. The suffering Plesiosaurus decides to flee! Sploosh! It dives, and Swish! It swims quickly far away into deep, dark river water. 75 experience points each for its defeat! Probably this victory is a good point of stoppage for our session. 100 experience points in bonus for tonight's adventure! Also, plus 100 more for surviving a fall from roc height!

Plummet: So generous! Soon I'll be third level!

Pilchard: Maybe. Or the creepy black tower may kill us before then.

Dungeon Master: We'll discover that next time!

(Here is the next time that was mentioned!)